


baby i can be your payback

by ashxtonsdimplxs



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer, 5SOS
Genre: M/M, SO, and the he starts crushing on him, and the he uses luke, another fic, ay, basically ashtons rich as fuck, bc ao3 deleted them???, bc im a cliche bitch, but he hates his parents, idk - Freeform, im redoing the tags, like with all fake boyfriend stories, punk!luke, read it, rich!Ashton, to get back at his parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 16:06:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2116155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashxtonsdimplxs/pseuds/ashxtonsdimplxs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashtons rich. Lukes not. Ashton hates his parents. Luke doesnt. Ashton uses Luke to get back at his parents. He wasnt supposed to, like, get a crush on him or anything.</p><p>Aka plz read bc im shit at summaries</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Ashton

**Author's Note:**

> ay so this is a new fic idea idk i was reading this story on wattpad called Rags Meets Riches and then i had this brilliant idea so. yeah. work title is from rascal flatts song payback. not all chapters will be this short just the prologues and im doing one for both luke and ashton so that you can kind of see some background on their lives and shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS STORY IS BEING REWRITTEN!!!! IF ANYONE IS COMING HERE FIRST TIME TO READ THIS STORY, KINDLY CLICK ON MY ACCOUNT AN CLICK ON THE NEW STORY UNDER THE SAME NAME AS THIS ONE (the story is unfinished, youll be able to tell the difference) AND BEGIN TO READ THAT ONE, AS ITS MUCH MUCH BETTER. IM KEEPING THIS VERSION UP PURELY FOR MY OWN JOY, JUST TO BE ABLE TO COME BACK AND READ HOW FAR IVE COME ALONG AND HOW DIFFERENT MY STORIES ARE NOW!!  
> love, as always, the author xoxo <3

It starts like this. Ashton rolls out of bed in a new bedroom at a new house and his maid walks in. She goes, "Mister Irwin, your parents have left for a few days." And then she leaves and Ashton groans because they  _just_ moved here, literally where could his parents have gone? See, when his mum had married his dad, they lived in little old Perth, roughly 3,000 miles away from big old Sydney. And then his dads grandma had died last year, and he had inherited all of her money and her house and her big perfume company that made thousands of dollars, and so they flew 42 hours to Sydney, and his mum took over the perfume company and his dad continued his job as lawyer, and they were as rich as rich could get, not that they weren't before. But now they were richer. And Ashton  _hates_ it. His parents never paid attention to him and when they did, it was to scold him or to pretend they were a loving family for the frequent parties thrown, where his mum and dad would get plastered and Ashton and the maids would have to usher everyone out and then clean up. He could never do as he liked, dress as he like, or make friends. The only sanity he got in this house was his littler brother and sister and the gay boy across the street named Calum Hood But other than that? He hates it. Regardless, he dresses in the clothes that were laid out for him, a $200 pair of black slacks and a $100 dollar black shirt with a white button up. He places his fedora on top of his mess of hair and shoves the clothes he was going to change into, an All Time Low shirt and black skinny jeans, along with a bandanna and converse, into his back pack and slings it over his shoulder. He tramples down stairs and snatches a piece of bacon from Harry, a piece of toast from Lauren and then bids them good bye before jumping into his drivers car. He shoves the bacon down his throat and half of the toast before his phone dings. He swallows and grabs his phone, checking the text from his mum. It reads, 'dont disappoint us. dont embarrass us' and that's it. No 'I love you's, no 'x's, no 'do good in school, honey!!!'s. Ashton angrily shut his phone off and shoved the rest of his toast down. He had to get back at his parents. He  _had_ to. He was tired of them treating him like a little kid, like he was a disappointment and he couldn't go an hour without getting in trouble or embarrassing them. So, Ashtons angry. That's kind of how it starts, except it really isn't. It  _really_ starts when he walks into his new school, searching for the bathroom so he can change. But then, but then, he spots a boy. Hes fiddling with his lock on his locker and hes got this look of concentration on his face. Tattoos are scattered up and down his arms and his hair is blue and from his side view, Ashton knows he has a lip piercing and eyebrow piercing and the front of his hair is purple. So when he calls out, "Oi, Blondie! You, with the tattoos and piercings!" As he walks over to him and stops in front him, that's when it really starts. Because this boy is the perfect one to get under his parents skin, get them back for all the times they've made Ashton feel like nothing, like hes a shit kid. So that's how it starts.


	2. Prolouge - Luke

Lukes not poor. Not really. He has a roof over his head, clothes on his body, food to eat, a good phone, and even some money to get a new tattoo every few months. That doesnt mean he doesnt have to, like, work, and shit to help his mum and dad pay rent. But it still fucking sucks, because hes seventeen years old, doesnt have a car, and has to work instead of hang out with friends. He sucks it up though, because his only friend is Michael so its doesnt _really_  matter because he boy visits him at Hot Topic every day so. Whatever. Basically, its a normal day when he meets Ashton. He dresses in his Fall Out Boy shirt, and his black skinny jeans with the hole in the knee, and grabs a banana as he runs out the door with his skateboard. His locker still sucks ass, and he still has to put his combination in like, six times before it opens, and even then it doesnt open. So hes working on his seventh try when he hears, "Oi, Blondie!" And he doesnt flinch because have the school  _population_ is blonde, so whos to say the kid is talking to him? But then he adds, "You, with the tattoos and piercings!" and Luke realizes hes being addressed because the kid is stopping in front of him. He slams his fist against his locker and it pops open and then he looks at the kid and yeah, okay. This is okay. 

"Well hello, princess. What can I do for you?" he asks, shoving his skateboard in his locker and exchanging it for a few books. 

"Im not a princess." Luke shuts his locker and faces the boy who has a scowl on his face. 

"Your outfit looks like it costs more than my house." He scoffs, slinging his bag over one shoulder, because hes too cool for two shoulders. 

"I havent changed yet!" The boy snaps and Luke takes a step back, holding his hands up in and innocent gesture. 

"Whoa, princess got an attitude. What can I help you with, your highness?" He asks, sweeping into a mock bow. So hes kind of an asshole. Whatever.

"Stand up, you dick."

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?" Luke gestures to his shirt.

"Ive been dying to tell you anything you want to hear." The kid snaps back because he just has to, but he doesnt look happy about it.

"Ohh, good taste in music." Luke nods. "Alright, what can I help you with?" he asks, leaning one shoulder against his locker.

"Do you want to be my fake boyfriend to piss off my parents? 'M names Ashton." And that, that is not what Luke expected. That is. That.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to be funny


	3. Chapter 1 - Meet the parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke meets the parents.

Ashton doesnt beat around the bush. He doesnt make awkwardly long introductions, or try to make small talk. Not with anyone. Not with Calum, not with his siblings, his parents, the maids and butlers. So hes not surpirsed when the words just slip out, and then he introduces himself after. The boy has a mild look of surprise on his face, lip ring being sucked into his mouth before he lets it out. Ashton is okay with this. Because he is hot.

"Alright," he tilts his chin up, questioningly, and asks, "Whats in it for me?" cautiously.

"What do you want, money?" Ashton asks, because he has plenty of it. The boy thinks for a minute.

"How much are you offering?" Again, cautiously.

"100 for every time we hang out together, regardless of whether we actually hang out or not, and 150 for every time you meet my parents." Ashton shrugs.

"You want to pay me for pretending to hang out with you?" Blondie asks.

"Yeah, why not? Its my parents money, I might as well waste it."

"Alright. Welp, Im Luke. Nice to meet you, boyfriend," He says, pushing off the locker. "But I have class. So, meet me here at the end of the day and Ill give you my phone number." And then hes gone, and Ashton doesnt mind because at least he agreed. Instead he spends the five minutes he has left before class wandering around looking for a bathroom and then he finds one, and he changes, and the bell rings while hes tying his bandanna. He just shrugs, fixes his hair, and makes his way to class.

..  
..

Ashton does get Lukes phone number. He does show up at his locker, and he does continue to call Ashton princess, and he does give Ashton his phone number. So, alls well, except for the fact that Ashtons anxious to get this plan going, and hes jittery because his parents dont come home for a week. A  _week._ Not two days, like was told, not four, not six, no, a week. And, within that week, Ashton has had time to do nothing except mull over the plan. He plays fifa with Calum, even though he doesnt like it, and his boyfriend, Michael, who has lilac hair and tattoos and piercings and reminds Ashton of Luke. 

"Hemmings?" Michael questions as Ashton brings it up. "With the blue hair and piercings?" When Ashton nods, Michael grins.

"Yeah, I know him. Best mates, actually. Hated him in year nine." he shrugs. "Good kid, he is. Bit poor. But hes a good kid." And so basically, Ashton knows that Luke only accepted the 'job' because he needs the money, and Ashtons a nice kid so he cant just call it off. Besides, Lukes hot. So thats a plus.

..  
..

And so when Ashtons parents come home, and Ashtons just finished texting Luke and telling him to come over soon, because his parents will be home soon, and he gets a 'k' as a text back, he feels like throwing up when he sees his parents. 

"Ashton! We're home!" His dad calls out, and its just a formality, not an invitation to come and talk to them, but Ashton does anyway.

"Hi, dad." He scratches the back of his neck. "I, uh, I invited someone over for dinner. I hope thats okay." He smiles weakly. 

"Whens this someone coming over?" Ashtons mum questions, and Ashton knows she thinks it a girl. He bites back a laugh as the doorbell rings.

"Um, now, I guess." He says and before he can even tell his mum no, shes racing over to the door. She throws it open to reveal Luke, hair quiffed and tattoos on full display.

"Um, hi." he says sheepishly.  

"Hello." Ashtons mum says with contempt. "I think you must be at the wrong house." She says and goes to shut the door. Luke catches Ashtons eyes and he races forward, shoving past his mum to stand next to Luke.

"No, mum. This is Luke. My boyfriend." he says, wrapping an arm around Lukes waist. 

"What?!" His mum and dad shout at the same time. 

Well. This night just got interesting.


	4. Chapter 2 - Some first kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton kisses Luke.

Dinner starts out okay. It really does. Ashton parents try to talk to Harry and Lauren to ignore the other two boys, but Harry keeps asking Luke about his tattoos, and Lauren keeps giggling and blushing and touching Lukes arm, also paying attention to the older boy talk about his tattoos. Its when they start to finish dinner that it starts getting bad.

"So, Lucas," His mother starts, and Luke winces at the use of his full name. "How old are you?"

"Um, seventeen, ma'am." Luke stutters out.

"Ohh, young." Then she turns to Ashton, and lays a hand on his, and says, as if Luke isnt there, "This is just a phase, honey. We'll get you through it with the help you need." And everything silent, and nothing good is going to go down from that.

"The fuck do you mean this is a phase?" Ashton finally chokes out, and its a mixture of anger and disgust, and has hints of hatred in it.

"Youre not gay, honey. Ands thats okay that you think you are. You'll get over it eventually." And then she goes back to eating. 

"What the actual fuck, mother?" 

"Language, Ashton Fletcher!" Ashton ignores his dad.

"No, what the fuck?! Im fucking gay, okay?!" He shouts.

"I will not have a faggot and a disappointment for a son!" His mum screams back and that. That kind of hurts.

"Fuck you, you bitch! Im a fucking faggot, okay?! A big fucking faggot and your son, and you can suck my dick if it fucking bother you!" he stands up, chair falling back. "Fuck you and fuck you, and you," He points at Luke, and he pauses, and then he smirks. "Fuck me. We're leaving." He grabs Lukes hand and pulls him up, tugging him out of the dining room. He stops at the door, leans up, and kisses Luke roughly, slamming him back into the doorway, causing Luke to gasp into his mouth.

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin!" His parents scream. Ashton pulls away and then leaves, slams the dining room door behind him. 

They dont talk for a few minutes.

"That went well," Luke starts.

"I told my mum to suck my dick." Ashton groans, and it sounds like hes crying, and his eyes burn because hes trying not to cry. He digs his palms into his eyes and stops for a minute to take a breath. Luke doesnt know what to do, because him and Ashton arent  _friends_ by any means of the word. Its a  _job_. Hes doing a job.

Ashton finally gains control of himself and rubs at his eyes for a second before finally turning around to face Luke, who can barely see his red eyes in the dainty streetlights. And now he feels bad because Ashton probably has nowhere to go except home, and that sounds bad.

"'M sorry." He says with a weak smile, pulling out his wallet. he hands Luke the $150 and then makes to walk past him, but Luke grabs his arm.

"You wanna go somewhere?" he asks before he can think of stopping himself. 

"Like where?" Ashton asks, pulling his arm out of Lukes grip and standing straight.

"My house?" Luke suggests. "I can take you to meet my mum."

"Am I getting paid for this?" He asks jokingly. Luke plays with the money in his hand before he shoves it into his back pocket.

"We'll see." He smiles. "Ive got some good music. We can make, like, brownies from scratch or some shit." He shrugs.

"Yeah, alright. I can deal with brownies and shit." Ashton nods and then steps up next to Luke.

"You lead the way, Blondie."

"Sure thing, Princess."

..  
..

Ashton plays the bands hes told to on his phone as they walk. Luke sings along, loudly, and once an old lady poked her head out of her front door and told them to, 'Quit making so much racket! Youre waking my dog!' and then slammed the door on them. They laugh about it the entire way home, which, granted, was only a few houses from the 'Crazy Old Lady'.

"Mum!" Luke calls out, flicking on the lights in the kitchen as he tosses his jacket to the floor. "Im home, Ive brought a friend!" A short blonde lady comes out, with blue eyes that match Luke, except shes got not tattoos or piercings. Ashton stands a few feet beside Luke, fiddling with the hem of his band tee. He wears what he wants at home, Lukes found out.

"Hello, dear. Whos this?" she asks, stopping in front of her son. Luke steps to this side to reveal Ashton. 

"Mum, this is pri-I mean, Ashton." Luke ignores the glare he gets from Ashton.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hemmings." Ashton greets nervously.

"Oh, my names Liz, honey." She pulls him into a hug, and Ashtons surprised, but he hugs her back, because whos to deny motherly love? Not Ashton.

"We're gonna make brownies, okay mum?" He asks, and Liz nods, then whispers to Luke as though Ashton cant hear, "Hes cute, love. Picked yourself a good one." Luke turns red, and Liz pats him on the back, and Ashton smirks. 

"So, am I?" He asks once Liz leaves and Lukes retrieved his old radio from his room to bring into the kitchen.

"Are you what?" Luke asks as he fiddles with the radio and puts his cd in. 

"Am I cute?" 

"Yeah, I guess." Luke shrugs and then turns back to face Ashton as he finally gets the cd player going.

"You guess?!" 

"Yes, princess, youre cute. Now help me with the brownies."

..  
..

"You cuss a lot when youre angry." Luke points out an hour later, when theres a plate of brownies in front of them and a glass of milk each. Theres flour in both of their hair and on their shirts, and neither have felt like washing it out yet.

"Im angry a lot." Ashton shrugs and takes a sip of his milk, then licks over his top lip and wipes the excess away with his thumb, and Jesus, everything he does shouldnt be so cute, or so hot, or Lukes not gonna last another week with him.

"That kiss was... something." Lukes starts, fingers ghosting over his lips.

"It was an in the moment type of thing."

"It was hot."

"Youre disgusting."

"You told me to fuck you."

"The offer still stands." Ashton winks and then stands up, pushing his chair out of the way. "I gotta go do damage control." He pulls out his wallet and drops a hundred dollar bill on the table. "Ill see you soon, Luke." he presses a kiss to Lukes cheek and then he just leaves, like Lukes not utterly confused by this fantastic, undeniably hot, almost stranger.]

"Well," Luke says to the empty room as he stands up and grabs Ashtons dish. "that was some first kiss, Irwin."


	5. Chapter 3 - Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton gets in a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me tell you guys a story. alright so i started writing this at like 9 at night, bc u guys got me to forty kudos and then i was like well okay ill write a new chapter (i set imaginary goals in my head) and then i was like fuck that im tired so i went to sleep adn then i woke up like, 10 minutes ago, and i had a dream my cousin picked me up from school bc i was being bad and she brought me to her house and i played with her dogs, and then we went into the pool for literally a minute before dear maria count me in came on the radio and i woke up and so i layed in bed for literally ten minutes with dear maria count me in and then i got up so no the 5sos album is playing and its almost 4 in the morning. so. i also ate a shitty cupcake.

Ashton is not widely accepted at school. Hes a gay rich kid with more money to his name then to most of the kids parents. He is okay with the constant bullying he gets, because he just flips them off and walks away. Luke, apparently, is not okay with his fake-boyfriend/kind of friend getting beaten up in the morning with no one doing anything about it.

"Fucking faggot!" Ashtons learned his name by now, and its Nick, and Nicks a dick so he kind of just tries to ignore it, and hes really glad hes changed already or else theyd give him shit about his clothes, which he doesnt really care about but hes also learned that its easier that they have less stuff to pick on him about because that means he can get to class earlier instead of being late.

"Oi, rich boy, Im fucking talking to you!" Nick presses on, grabbing Ashton by the back of his shirt and pulling him back.

"Let me go, you idiot. Your insults dont fucking matter to me." Ashton snarls, hands pushing at Nicks arm, but then he gets punched. Right across the cheek.

"What the fuck?!" He shouts when hes let down, not very gently, he should add. He brings a hand up to touch his cheek, wincing as he prods his cheek bone, which is bleeding. Great.

"Alright, fucker," he starts, sliding his bag off, but then theres another voice yelling into the commotion, and a body pressing past the crowd to come stand in front of Ashton.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asks.

"I can fight my own battles, Luke." Ashton growls out, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Leave, Nick, or you take on me too." Luke says, ignoring Ashton, which, well _rude_. Ashton huffs as Nick walks off, and the crowd disperses.

"The fuck, Hemmings?" He asks as Luke turns to look at him. "I totally could have taken him!" he exclaims.

"Shut up, Irwin." Luke says softly, ghosting his fingers over the scratch on Ashtons cheek. Ashton shivers at the touch, which is totally not supposed to happen.

"Im taking you home." He grabs Ashtons arm and pulls him to the car park, because Ashton has a car. Duh.

"What?! Why?" Ashton asks, and he pulls his hand out of Lukes grip despite the fact he doesnt _want_ to. But he _cant_ have feelings for Luke, because he just cant. Hes a _fake_ boyfriend. Not a real one.

"You didnt have to do that, yanno," Ashton says instead, because Lukes not answering him, and thats annoying. "I can pick, and fight, my own battles. Im not some girl that needs to be saved."

"I beg to fucking differ, princess." Luke snarls, turning to face Ashton, who takes a step back. "You have been at this school for a week. _A week_. I have been going to this school for all of my high school career, not that theres much of it. I _know_ Nick, okay? And to him, you are fresh meat. You are someone he can make his bitch. And despite the fact that youre stronger, he has friends. And they would have tore you apart. So thank me, you jackass, instead of being such an annoying dick."

Ashtons quiet for a minute, mulling over Lukes words, which he guesses might be true, but they also might be fake, but then Luke is throwing his hands up in the air, letting them fall to rest on his hair, which he tugs on in an annoyed gesture.

"Are you even listening to me, Ash?!" He yells, and then Ashton leans up and presses a gentle kiss to Lukes cheek.

"Thank you." He mumbles, blushing, and then he scurries off to his car to wait for Luke.

..  
..

Ashtons parents arent home when they get there. Which, Luke supposes, is a good thing. But he could use the extra money that comes with meeting them again. But instead he just sits patiently at Ashtons home with he makes them food. Because he can in fact cook, which Luke finds out when he gets ramen noodles and tea.

"Really? Ramen?" He snorts. Ashton scowls. Thats pretty much their friendship.

"Yes, Ramen. Its the best I can do. Eat your food and drink your tea." They sit in silence after that, both just eating and drinking and going on their phones.

"C'mon, we can go to my room till my siblings get out of school. Then we can pick them up." Ashton says, grabbing Lukes bowl and cup and setting them in the sink. Their footsteps echo through the large house as they make their way up the stairs.

Ashton room is not what Luke expected. Its, well, its not what he exected. Thats basically how the only way he can put it. Theres posters everywhere, ranging of various bands that Lukes basically in love with to ones that hes only heard a few songs. But he has heard of almost all the bands covering Asthons wall, except maybe one or two. Theres a few articles of clothing strewn about, and a baby blue duvet covering the sheets. Theres a black desk with homework everywhere, an open laptop showing off a black screen.

"I tell the maids not to touch my stuff," Ashton says as he drops his bag unceremoniously by the door. "I like my room how I like my room, and most of the time they get rid of almost all the papers I need. So. imagine telling the teachers you cant hand in your homework because your maids took it." He jumps on his bed, folding his arms behind his head.

"Why are you going to public school?" Luke asks, running a hand across one of the many All Time Low posters. "Like, when you could so easily afford boarding school or getting home schooled?" he continues, dropping himself onto the bed next to Ashton.

"Ive actually lived in Sydney for, like, a year now. But in, like a different spot. And then my parents decided that where we lived wasnt big enough and that a different place would have better work, blah blah blah, parent talk parent talk parent talk," Luke laughs, quietly, shaking his head.

"Cute, Irwie." he cuts in.

"Im not done yet!" Ashton whines, pulling a face. Luke laughs again.

"Anyway, rude ass, my parents decided to move down here, to this lovely town in the middle of fucking nowhere."

"My dad calls it the wastelands."

"Shut _up_ Luke!" Ashton yells, but its joking so Luke lets it go.

"Fucking Jesus, be quiet and let me finish. Okay. So. Back when we actually lived in a spot in Sydney that had human interaction, I was home schooled because my parents hate me having friends. But, then we moved down here and I was like, 'Home schooling is boring and everyone at boarding school are stuck up pricks, so, Im not going' and they were like fine do whatever you want. So here we are." he finishes. 

"You live an interesting life, Princess." Luke shakes his head, throwing his arm across Ashtons shoulders.

"Youre still a dick." Ashton snorts.

"You are what you eat."

"Youre disgusting."

"You brought it up."

"Youre an ass."

Ashton cuts him off as he opens his mouth.

" _Dont_ even say  _anything_ , Pretty Boy." He orders, slapping his hand over Lukes mouth. He licks it. He  _licks_ his hand.

"Ew! I dont know where the fuck thats been!" Ashton shouts, wiping his palm on his jeans. 

"Hopefully it'll be on your dick later." Luke winks.

He gets smacked in the forehead for his troubles.

..  
..

Luke does meet Ashtons parents again. Theyre in the living room with Ashtons younger siblings are now entranced by his hair instead of tattoos. 

"Ashtonn, I want to dye my hair." Lauren whines, playing with the purple strands streaked through Lukes otherwise blue hair.

"You can talk to mum about that." Ashton snorts, and, well, speak of the devil and he shall appear. Or, in this case,  _she_.

"Ashton, we're home!" His mother calls out. 

"Mummy, I want to dye my hair like Lucas!" Lauren exclaims, jumping off the couch to go greet her parents. Harry follows. Ashton stands up, holding his hand out. Luke takes it and twines their fingers together. Right. Fake boyfriend job. They walk into the dining room together, Ashton basically leaning into Luke.

"Oh, I see youve brought the delinquent." Ashtons mum sniffs, tilting her head up. Ashton squeezes Lukes hand. Luke, in turn, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for half of a second, and then puts on his prettiest smile. 

"I was just walking him out, mum." Ashton rolls his eyes. "C'mon, babe." he says, tugging on Lukes hand. Luke ignores the term of endearment, no matter how hot it is, or how much he likes the way it comes out of Ashtons mouth. They stand there, outside on the front porch, for a few seconds, before Ashton goes, "Kiss me." Its soft, whispered as though theres people watching them. Which, Luke supposes, there probably is. 

"Mkay." Luke steps up to Ashton and presses their lips together, one hand coming up to cup Ashtons cheek. 

"Kiss me like you want to get slapped, ass." Ashton whispers against Lukes mouth. Which, well, Luke can totally do that. Completely. The other hand curls around Ashtons waist, pulling him closercloser _closer._ Their chests are touching, thighs rubbing, and its really fucking hot. Ashton wraps his arms around Lukes neck, pays with the soft hairs at the back of his head. Luke licks over Ashtons bottom lip, and Ashton opens his mouth for him, and their tongues slide against each other, which should be gross but its kind of hot, and Ashtons sucks on Lukes lip ring, and Luke honest to god  _moans._ But then he has to pull away, because hes a human who has lungs and has to breathe, which fucking sucks, because hed gladly get rid of his lungs if it meant he gets to kiss Ashton like that more.

"Thank you." Ashton mutters, panting, cheeks flushed and lips red. He licks over them. Luke would gladly fuck him on his front porch.

"You gave me a boner." Luke whines, and he doesnt know  _why_ he told Ashton that, but he feels like the other boy wont care. He doesnt, in fact, just grinds his hips against Lukes, who gasps and buries his face in Ashtons neck. 

"Fuck, Ash, you cant do that." he groans. Ashton laughs and pulls away. 

"Have a good day, Lukey, Ill pay you tomorrow in school." And then he presses a kiss once more to Luke and opens the door, and Luke can hear screaming as he walks down the steps 

 _Yeah,_ he thinks, pressing his fingers against his lips,  _I could definitely get used to this._

He laughs at the sound of something breaking as he walks down the front porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK i just realized that Luke has blue hair so how does Ashton know hes a blonde person??? bc he has blue hair??? okay so everyone just ignore where i made ashton call luke blondie okay thank u also tomorrow never dies is my favorite song ever its so fucking punk and Ashton sings in it like please also Lashton getting saucy aww yh  
> the boys are probably going to be most OOC here but its fiction so yolo  
> i cant believe i just said that


	6. Chapter 4 - Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton finds out he has a crush

Ashton and Luke dont talk for a week.  _A full week_. Luke had gotten his phone taken away for skipping school, and he was sick that entire week, and it wasn't okay because Ashton found himself  _missing_  Luke.  _Missing_  him. Which meant he liked him. And not in a friend type of way. The 'you make my stomach flip and make me feel like Im going to throw up and make my cheeks heat with a simple look and I cant stand missing you' type of way. Which is stupid, because hes known the kid for what, a week now? Two? They've kissed twice. Ashton shouldn't be feeling this way about him. He shouldn't, but he does, and so. He hates life. He lays in bed, staring at his ceiling, when his phone goes off. He answers it without checking caller ID.

"Hey, Princess." Luke croaks into the phone. He sounds sad and sick. See, they shouldn't be able to call each other like this. But they can, because in the short span of time they've known each other, they've bonded over the kisses they've shared, the music they've listened to, the movies they've watched, and its not  _fair._ Its not. But Ashton reckons its normal, because Lukes fucking hot, and a great kisser, and the first human contact hes had since hes moved to Sydney despite the creepy boy that works at Maccas, his parents, the maids, and Calum. None of which he wants to date. But he kind of feels bad, because hes still paying Luke, and its awkward when he hands the boy money. He still owes him from that night after the fight.

"Why arent you in school?" Luke asks, pulling Ashton from his thoughts. Ashton turns over onto his stomach.

"Im moping. Why are you calling me from school?" He shoots back, playing with a thread from his pillow. 

"Skipping from your payment?" Luke teases.

"You caught me, Pretty Boy." Ashton smiles softly.

"Ill be over after school, yeah? Mr. Durk is yelling at me. Gotta go. Bye Ash." And then he hangs up and Ashton rolls his eyes. He flips his phone over in his hand, just thinking, before he stands up and makes his way over to the music room to play the drums..

..  
..

He doesnt mean to play for hours on end. Its just, he hasn't played in months. Hes been so busy with the move, and making his parents mad, and Luke, that he hasnt had time. So he plays everything from All Time Low's saddest song, to Sleeping With Sirens' loudest song. Hes lost his shirt somewhere around Panic! At The Disco's  fastest song, and hes taking a break during My Chemical Romance's oldest song. The doorbell rings, and Ashton thinks is probably just Calum wanting to hang out with him an Michael, because the boyfriends are attached at the hips, so he just walks downstairs without his shirt on, bandanna holding back his sweaty curls, twirling a drumstick in one hand and holding a water bottle in the other. He sets the bottle down so he can open the door. 

"Hey C-" He trails off when he sees Luke there, backpack slung over his shoulder and skateboard resting in one hand.

"Oh, fuck." Luke whispers, eyes trailing over Ashtons chest and Ashtons glad that he was already flushed from practice, because his entire body turns red from the whispered words that come out of Lukes mouth. 

"Oh, um hi, Luke. I didn't. Sorry." Ashton steps to the side to let Luke come in. He grabs his water bottle from the counter and takes a swig, swallowing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Luke sits down and adjusts his jeans. 

"Im going to uh. Shower. So. Uh. Yeah." He says awkwardly and then runs up the stairs. Its only five minutes later, when hes in the shower and he chokes on the water, does he realize that hed gotten Luke hard. Again.

..  
..

After showering and coming down stairs properly clothed, and Luke excusing himself to the bathroom and coming downstairs 20 minutes later, skin flushed, everything was a little. Weird. 

"This is fucking awkward, you do realize that, right?" Luke finally blurts into the silence of the kitchen, where Ashton is trying to make food other than ramen.

"It is now that you've said that." Ashton snorts, try to play it off as cool, but hes not. Hes so, so past the point of cool.

"Whatever, Irwie." Luke rolls his eyes and stands up, shoving Ashton out of the way. 

"Get out of here so I can make actual food." He commands, and Ashton pouts, but he does as told. 

Luke, he finds out later, can make a fantastic cheese toastie.

..  
..

"That was my mum. I gotta go." Luke says an hour later when they're watching a movie, and his phone goes off. Ashton holds in his groan, disappointed that his new crush was leaving.

"Fine. Oh!" he sits up, grabs something off his nightstand. he pulls a few bills out of his wallet.

"100 for today, 100 for the other day, another 150 for meeting my parents, and another 20 for saving me from that Nick kid, and for me being a prick about it." Ashton says, tossing his wallet onto the night stand. 

"Ash thats," Luke flicks through the money. "Thats a lot of fucking money. I cant take this." He shakes his head, pushing the money to Ashton.

"No, take it. A deals a deal, yeah? Besides, its my parents money. They give me 200 everyday, and sometimes I steal some if I want to. Or need it." He shrugs, ushering Luke out of his room. "Its fine, okay? I dont mind." He smiles softly. 

"Jesus," Luke mutters, before shoving the money into his pocket. "Thanks so much, Ashton." he pulls Ashton into a hug, hides his face in the older boys neck.

"I feel like your mum thinks you're a stripper now." Ashton laughs, and Luke does do, the soft sound causing hot breath to fan out across Ashtons neck. He shuts his eyes, resist the urge to shiver, and hugs back.

"Stay safe, yeah?" He says once they pull away from the hug. Luke nods and presses a kiss to Ashtons cheek before he finally leaves. Ashton shuts the door and presses his back against it, fingers coming up to brush across the spot Luke kissed. He is so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im dying my hair and i had to bleach it and it hurt like fuck


	7. Chapter 5 - Hot topic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton bothers Luke at his job

Both the boys were back to school the next day. Ashton was still moping, and Luke was still sick, and it was an all around terrible start to the day. Ashton was just opening his locker when a pair of hands covered his eyes. 

"Guess who?" A voice whispers into his ear, and Ashton blushes because he forgot him and Luke were supposed to be boyfriends at school, too. If word got back to his parents, and it'd find a way, that they were just friends. Then. They'd be screwed, basically.

"Um, well, they sound hot. So, obviously not Luke." He bites his lip, fights back a smile. 

"Rude." Ashton laughs and turns around, leaning up to press a quick kiss to Lukes cheek.

"Hey." He greets, turning back to his locker and shoving the books he doesnt need in. He shuts his locker.

"Hi." Luke giggles.  _Giggles._ Ashton gonna faint.

"Feeling any better?" He asks instead, because fainting would be embarrassing, leaning against the lockers and tilting his head up to look at Luke.

"Throat still hurts a bit. But yeah, Im alright." Ashton nods.

"Still moping?" Luke asks, and Ashtons cheeks heat up. He thought -hoped- Luke forgot about that.

"Yeppers." he answers, nodding. 

"What are you moping about?" Luke asks, and then the bell goes off, and Ashton thanks every god hes ever known and any one else listening. 

"Tell you later. See you at lunch." He leans up and gives Luke a quick kiss, just for anyone watching, and then he scurries away.

..  
..

He wont talk about it at lunch. He  _refuses_ too. Luke cant actually make him say anything.

"Come on, Ash." Luke whines, laying his head on his binder. "Tell me why you're moping."

"Whos moping?" Michael asks, dropping his food across from Ashton. 

"Oi, dumbasss. Sit up." Calum says, throwing a chip at Lukes head. Ashton mentally thanks his friend fro the distraction. 

"Stop wasting chips." Ashton scowls fakely. 

"Stop scowling at my boyfriend."

"Stop being over protective.

"Tell me whyyyy." Luke whines. Ashton laughs. 

"Eat your food." He rolls his eyes, takes a bite of his burger.

"Not until you tell me why your sad." Luke huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. and pouts. Ashton is struck by how cute he is, even with the piercings and tattoos. It actually kind of hurts in his chest to know he most likely will never get the boy in front of him.

"Eat." is all he says, pushing Lukes tray towards him. Luke makes a noise of discontent, but steals a chip off of Ashtons tray and shoves it in his mouth.

"Not my food, jackass!" Asthon whines.

"Aww, are the boyfriends fighting?" Michael asks, arm wrapped around Calums waist. Ashtont hrows a ketchup packet at him. 

"Dick." he mumbles.

..  
..

"Har! Lauren! Im home. And Ive brought friends!" Ashton shouts into the large house, tossing his bag by the door. Michael pushes past him, dragging Calum into the living room to set up the Xbox. "Rude." Ashton mumbles under his breath.

"Harry? Lauren?!" He calls out, looking around. His eyes land on a piece of paper folded neatly laying on the counter. He picks it up.

 _Ashton,_  
Mummy and daddy had to go to a late lunch/early dinner thing, and they had to take us because the nanny had the day off. Mummy didnt want me to leave you a note. Im being yelled at, so i must go.  
Love, Lauren xx

Ashton sighs, crinkling the note up in his hand. "Fucking bitch." he mumbles.

"Who, Lauren?" Someone asks being him, snaking their arms around his waist. Ashton leans back into the hard chest subconsciously.

"No, you ass. My mum." Ashton rolls his eyes, tossing the crumpled up piece of paper behind his back. Judging by the laugh let out by Luke, he missed his target.  _Damn._

"You staying long?" Ashton asks.

"Nah, got work." Luke shakes his head, and Ashton can feel the vibrations when he speaks, and the breath on the top of his head. Its nice. Its comforting. Hes screwed.

"Aw." Ashton pouts, and Luke laughs.

"Ill call ya later, okay?" Luke presses a kiss to the top of his head, and then his arms are gone, and Ashton's stomach does this weird flippy thing that makes him hate his stomach.

"Bye, Princess!" he calls out before he shuts the door.

"Bye, Pretty Boy." Ashton says back, grinning. He jumps when a voice asks, "You really like him, dont you?" from the doorway.

"Jesus fuck, Cal." He spins around, hand on his heat. Calum grins.

"C'mon, Micky put in Call of Duty. We'll talk about this later."

"Micky?"

"Its cute."

..  
..

"Michaellll." Ashton whines. "Calumm, pay attention to mee." hes sprawled across both their laps, and he keeps dying in COD, so, like, fuck it. Hes been bothering them for a good five minutes.

"Im thinking of dying my hair."

"I got a tattoo."

"I killed my baby sister."

"I fucked my maid."

Nothing is eliciting a response, not even a simple nod of the head.

"Me and Luke fucked on this exact couch yesterday."

"Top or bottom?" at the same time as "Luke and I."

"What?" Ashton asks, tilting his head to look up at Michael, who sighs and pauses the game.

"I said, top or bottom?" He repeats, staring down at Ashton with a raised eyebrow.

"What? No, I was kidding. I didnt actually fuck him, I just wanted to get your attention." Ashton pouts.

"Still Luke and I." Calum mumbles under his breath.

"Oh, well, excuse me Mr. Grammar Police." Ashton snarks,

"Im getting bored of this game anyway. Lets go bother Luke at work." Michael says, tossing his controller to the floor.

"Hey, thats mine!" Ashton whines.

"Not like you couldnt afford a new one." Michael rolls his eyes and shoves Ashton off his lap.

..  
..

"Im thinking of getting a piercing. Where does it hurt the least?" Ashton asks, elbows leaning on the counter and chin in his hands. Luke starts to say something, begins to lift his head from where its bowed over the cash register.

"Why are you guys here?" He asks, glancing behind him to see Michael and Calum ruffling through the t-shirts they have on display.

"Michael doesnt love me." Ashton pouts.

"He loves me!" Calum calls, and Luke and Ashton both roll their eyes as the two boys kiss. 

"I brought you food. And Starbucks." Ashton pushes the food and coffee towards Luke.

"Oh my god Im in love with you." Luke grabs the bag off of the counter, opening it and pulling out the burger and chips. "Literally, have my children." Ashton laughs and hops over the counter, sitting down with his back pressed to the shelves that contain extra t-shirts and misc. stuff.

"I dont think thats possible, Luke." Ashton rolls his eyes, taking a sip of the coffee in his own hand. 

"So what are you guys actually doing here?" Luke asks, sliding down so hes sat next to Ashton.

"Michael and Cal wouldnt leave my house, despite the fact that I hate them, so we came to bother you." Ashton says, stealing a chip from Luke.

"Rude."

"You stole mine." Ashton points out, grabbing another.

"Heyyy, stop it." Luke pouts, and Ashton grins, and then they both laugh. Its nice. They have a nice friendship. Ashton wishes it were more.

"You dont pay me enough to be able to steal my fries." Ashton turnss silent at Lukes joke, fiddling with his straw, twisting it in between his thumb and index finger.

"Ash?" Luke asks, nudging his friend gently. Ashton smiles softly.

"I just uh, I dont know. I feel awkward paying you, now that we're like. Friends and shit. Like, its weird?" he puts his coffee down and turns to face Luke, twisting his fingers together anxiously. "Like. I feel like Im paying you to be my friend. Which Im not, I love being your friend and shit. Which is why I feel weird. Its weird. I dont know." He mumbles, looking down at the ground.

"Youre a dork." Luke laughs and Ashton look sup. 

"Cone on man, dont laugh at me." He pouts.

"Ash, I dont care if you pay me or not. Like, its cool, like hell yeah I get money for hanging out with a super awesome dude, but if you dont feel comfortable paying me anymore, than you dont have to." Luke shrugs.

"No, no I will. Its just, maybe Ill start slipping it into your locker instead." Ashton grins.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds good." Luke smiles, and nods, and everything is good.

"Hey, Ash?" Calum calls out. Ashton pokes his head over the counter. 

"hmm?"

"Isnt that your mum and dad?" Calum asks, pointing over Ashtons head, and Ashton looks and -  _oh shit._ _  
_

"Fuck, it is." he curses. "Why does it look like theyre coming over here? Fuck, Harrys dragging them over. Im going to throw up. Okay, whatever. I can be cool about this." Ashton rambles, more to himself.

"Ashton," Luke holds back his laughs. "Calm the fuck down, dude. Its no biggie. Its just the mall." He says, but hes not standing up, so Ashton figures he still might be afraid of rich people.

"Youre not standing up. What, are you scared of my mum?" Ashton teases.

"Death to rich people!" Luke cheers, tossing his fist in the air, and Michael does the same.

"Cant die, we're immortal." Ashton states absentmindedly. He snatches a beanie from one of the shelves behind the counter and tugs it on before standing up straight, tiling his head down and unlocking his phone. He clicks on the instagram app just as the bell goes off, alerting him of his family walking into the store.

"Excuse me," His mother clears her throat and Ashton smirks, clicking his phone off and looking up.

"How can I help you?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Ashton?! What are you doing here?" Lauren asks, racing over to the counter. She jumps up so shes sitting on top of it, and Ashton wraps his arms around her waist, sets his chin down on her shoulder.

"He came to visit me." Luke pops up from behind the counter, and Ashtons mother shrieks, places her hand over her heart, and Ashton muffles his laugh by hiding his face in Laurens neck. 

"What _were_ you doing down there, young man?" Ashtons mum questions, eyeing Lukes tattoos with disgust.

"Eating." Luke holds up his crumpled Maccas wrapper and tosses it in the trash. "Now, what can I help you with?" He asks as Ashton pulls Lauren over the counter to look at the new necklaces they havent put up yet. 

"I was going to buy a shirt for Ashton, but seeing as hes here, he can help me pick it out now!" Harry claps excitedly and Ashton peeks his head over the counter. 

"Yeah, alright." He nods and stands up. "Help her pick out a necklace, yeah Lukey?" he asks. Luke nods and Ashton leans over and kisses him quickly. 

"Thanks babe, your the best." He smirks and hops back over the counter to go follow Harry around the store, Calum and Michael trailing after them like lost puppies. Theyre there for a good 30 minutes, because Harry wont let Ashton wear a shirt that doesnt have his approval, and so far none of them do, and at one point Calum and Michael started throwing the shirts at each other and Luke had to call everything off to pick it up and sort it out. So, needless, to say, his parents were pissed, and he was going to get a very stern talking to when he went home. 

"Oh my god, Ashton, just come with me." Luke finally groans at one point, after Harry shakes his head once more and the clothes begin piling up in the dressing room. He pulls Ashton into the back, and Michael and Calum follow. Luke wanders around, pulling out shirts and holding them to Ashtons body before shaking his head and putting them back. 

"How much money do you think Id have if I bought all these?" Michael asks, arms full of varying t-shirts.

"None. Put them back." Luke orders without looking up. He pulls a black shirt out, with a grave stone on it and the words 'Life is Radical' written in it, and hands it to Ashton. 

"Change." he orders, and then turns to go take the shirts from Michael, whos whining to Calum about how much he needs them.

"Done." Ashton says a few minutes later. Luke turns back to him, eyes roam his body, and then he nods. 

"Good, go get Harrys seal of approval so you guys can leave and I wont get fired." he retorts, finally taking the clothes from Michael and setting them down in a box. Ashton nods, exits the room and walks over to Harry. He nods excitedly when he sees Ashton in the shirt and then Luke comes back out. 

"Did I do good or did I do good?" Luke asks, holding his hand up, and Harry slaps it with his own.

"You did good." He grins and Ashton laughs. He tugs the shirt off, in the middle of the store, and tosses it to Luke, whos staring at him but still manages to catch it. 

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin!" His mother gasps out, hands on her heart, and Ashton snorts.

"What, its not like no one in here has never seen me shirtless. And to anyone else who might have saw me, your welcome." he bows, and then stands up and pulls his shirt back on, and Luke is still staring, and Ashton kind of wants to make out with him. But his family is here, so. He cant.

"Close your mouth, honey. Youll catch flies." Calum smirks as he walks past Luke, patting his cheek, and Luke scowls. 

"Yeah yeah." he mumbles, blushing, and makes his way to the cash register.

"That all for you guys?" He mumbles. He feels a tug on his shirt and looks down to see Lauren standing there, holding out a necklace. Its simple, with a silver chain and a book charm. Luke smiles softly and takes it from her. 

"Thank you." He says, placing it on the counter and ringing it up.

"I got it." Ashton says, pulling out his wallet. 

"Wait, I want to pay fro your shirt." Harry whines, grabbing a 20 dollar bill from his back pocket, along with another $10, and handing it to Ashton. He grabs the money from Harry and slides the $280 over the counter, winking at Luke, who takes the money with a blush. He discreetly takes the $250 out from the pile and slides the rest of the money into the cash register.

"Thanks, have a good day." he hands the bag to Ashton, who leans over the counter and kisses Luke quickly.

"Thanks, Pretty Boy. See you tomorrow." He says and then they leave. Luke can hear Ashton mum yelling, and Ashton laugh as they walk away from his store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u guys know i worked all day on this bc im a lazy shit also i hope u know i just wing it when im writing these chapters like i think of an idea for the beginning and just wing it from there also im starting high school on the 18th im a freshman whoo note my sarcasm


	8. Chapter 6 - Tattoo

"Ashton!" Luke shouts into the phone. Ashton pulls it away from his ear, wincing.

"Jesus Luke, what?" He asks, setting it down on top of the piano. He fingers dust over the keys, not pressing hard enough to emit any sound.

"Are you busy today? Please please please say no! I have something to show you!" He yells, once more. Ashton sighs.

"I wish I could say I wasn't. Ive got to play the piano. I have a recital coming up soon." He drops his hands so they sit uselessly by his side before grabbing his phone and laying down across the bench, legs dangling over the edge. He plops his phone down onto his stomach. Lukes voice fills the room, bounces off the cymbals of the drums and vibrates through the strings on the guitar.

"You play the piano?" he asks.

"Not by choice." Ashton sighs, laying his arms over his eyes.

"Aww man, I got a new tattoo! I was so excited to show you!" Luke still sounds happy, still sounds like hes bouncing off the walls.

"Just come over." Ashton laughs.

"Can I really?!"

"Yes, you dork!" Ashton grins, pulling the phone up to his ear to shout into the receiver.

"Cool! Ill be there soon."

..  
..

Ashtons waiting in the living room when the door flings open and Luke skates, literally skateboards, into his house. 

"Honey, Im home!" He shouts, putting his foot onto the ground to stop the board. Ashton snorts out a laugh.

"Was the skateboarding necessary?" Ashton asks, glancing quickly over Luke for the sight of a new tattoo.

"It adds dramatic flare." Luke kicks the skateboard up into his hand, glancing over at Ashton.

"So. Piano." He raises an eyebrow. Ashton groans.

..  
..

He tries to teach Luke to play piano. He really does. Buts its a lost cause. 

"No, Luke," Ashton laughs, grabbing Lukes wrists as he hits another wrong note. "Come on. This one." He presses his fingers down against the keys. "Try again." 

He does, and fails again, on purpose this time, smashing all his fingers against as many keys as he can hit. 

"Luke," he laughs. "Come on, man. Here I am, wasting my time, trying to help you learn Therapy, and youre not even trying." he whines.

"Okay, okay," Luke chuckles. "Ill try." He takes a deep breath and glides his fingers over the keys, and hes doing okay, doing okay, annnnd,

he fails. Luke sighs, and Ashton sighs, and its one big sigh fest for a minute before Ashton stands up. He walks behind Luke and hooks his chin over the taller boy shoulder, placing his hands over Lukes. 

"Like this." He says softly, forcing Lukes hands to move over to the right keys. 

"Give me therapy, Im a walking travesty, and Im smiling at everything," He whispers, pressing down on Lukes fingers so they hit the right keys.

"Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they're better off without you," Luke sings next, and Ashton is taken away by his voice, the clear simplicity of it. He almost pulls his hand away, almost stops breathing, but he doesnt.

"There you go." Is what he does, says, instead as Luke hits the right keys finally. He pulls his hands back and sits down next to Luke, whos staring at him. Just staring. it makes Ashton shift in his seat, twists his fingers together anxiously and bite his lip.

"Thanks." Luke finally looks away, looks down at the piano. Its awkward in the room, the only sound being Luke practicing the song hes recently learned.

"So, um. Tattoo?" Ashton finally breaks the tension, and Lukes jumping up, tripping over the piano bench in the process and landing face first. Ashton laughs, clutching his stomach.

"Oh my god," he gets out, eyes squeezed shut tightly. "Smooth, Luke," he finally gets control of himself, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "Real smooth."

"Shut up. No, come on, Im really excited for this!" Luke shouts, grabbing Ashton by the shoulders and shaking him. Ashton rolls his eyes and pries Luke off of him.

"Show me the tat, you nerd." He brings his knees up onto the bench, sitting pretzel style. Luke nods and tugs at the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head with one arm. Ashtons throat goes dry. Luke doesnt notice, just gently peels back the white gauze covering his right rib cage. 

'Not all those who wander are lost.' is what the tattoo reads. Ashton swallows back the funny feeling that forms in his stomach, seeing Luke there shirtless, all taut muscles and pale skin. He wonders how many marks he can make across the boys body, how the purple hickies would stand out against the white skin. No, he just stands up and ghosts his fingers over the black ink that stands out against slightly red, irritated skin.

"When uh," Ashton clears his throat as Luke shivers, goosebumps following in a trail after Ashtons fingers, chasing. His tan skin pops against Lukes snow white chest. "Whend you get it?" his voice is hoarse. He wants to kiss Luke  _so bad_ it hurts. Wants to memorize every inch of his skin with his hands, trace the lines of his tattoos with his mouth. Which is weird. So he doesnt do it.

"Um, earlier today." Luke splutters, out, shifting. Ashton removes his hand and lets it dangle by his side.

"I like it." he nods and smiles up at Luke, whose grin could outshine the sun and cure cancer.

"Yay!" Luke cheers, clapping his hands together like a little kid before pulling his shirt back on. Ashtons disappointed. 

"So whens this piano recital?" Luke asks, sitting back down on the bench. Ashton sits down next to him.

"Um, whats today? Thursday?" When Luke nods, Ashton counts the days in his head, "Then its on Sunday." he nods. 

"Time?" Luke asks, hands roaming over the keys of the piano.

"Starts at eight, but I go on around nine-ish. Im the last act."

"Yeah?" Luke looks over at him.

"Yeah," Ashton nods. "I got to play two pieces, one classical and one modern."

"Whats your modern piece?" Luke questions, bringing his knees to his chest and turning to face Ashton, who does the same.

"Havent decided. Im stuck between Say Something, Drops of Jupiter, or Yellow by Coldplay." he relays his choices,

"Dont do Say Something. Too overplayed." Luke shakes his head, his chin rasping over the fabric of his jean. Ashton hums in response.

"I think Ill go with Drops Of Jupiter. I feel like the judges are gonna be adults who dont know who Coldplay are, and I know my mum and dad listen to Drops Of Jupiter, so. Yeah." He finally speaks up, nodding his head.

"What are you doing for classical?" Luke asks.

"Fur Elise." Ashton answers immediately. "Ive been working on it for months. Itd be a shame if I didnt play it." Luke nods, once, twice. 

"Alright. Ill be there." Ashton raisies an eyebrow.

"You do realize that youre going to be surrounded by snobby rich people, your least favorite type of people, right? And you need a suit. Do you even have a suit?"

"Ill be fine, Ash. With all the money I have from you and my job, I can definitely afford to rent suit for a day." Luke rolls his eyes, and then the door opens and closes downstairs. 

"Ashton, we're home!" His mother calls out. Ashton sighs and stands up from the bench. 

"Guess thats your cue to leave." He holds his hand out for Luke, who takes it and stands up. 

"What is he doing here Ashton, youre supposed to be practicing piano." His father asks, hanging his jacket over a chair. 

"He was showing me a new tattoo." Ashtons shrugs, opening the door.

"I dont see a new tattoo." His mother says.

"Its on his chest." Ashton leans up and kisses Luke lightly, handing him his skateboard.

"Text me!" he calls out the door before shutting it and disappearing up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 7 - New kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres a new kid.

"C'mon, Ash. Teach me how to act proper!" Luke whines, slapping his hands against Ashtons knees.

"No, Im sorry," Ashton waves his hands, still giggling after Luke falling off the bed. "Okay, sit up straight again. Cross your legs like this." he demonstrates, putting his ankle up onto his knee and grabbing his leg with both hands. "Now slouch just a little, enough to  make it casual but not like youre bored in school." he orders, lifting his hands up to press down slightly on Luke shoulder.

"Okay, there. Now take those piercings out. C'mere." he sighs and bends down in front of Luke, taking out the eyebrow and nose piercing. "You can leave in the lip one, it looks fine." He says before sitting back down next to him on the bed. "Now, when you talk, pronounce it clear. Dont whine, and dont string your words together. Talk slow and soft, and dont say words like dont. Say do not instead. Will not, can not, we shall, we will, stuff like that. Okay, so now say, What a lovely performance, is this not?" 

Luke repeats the words back to him. He wants to learn how to be proper for the piano recital, which is tomorrow, even though Ashton has told him that he didnt need to worry about it. 

"Nice, Lucas. Proud of you. Okay, now say, I do not think she was that great." This continues for an hour, until they get bored and his parents come barging in demanding that he practice and that Luke has to leave.

..  
..

Nervous is an understatement for what Ashton is feeling right now. His palms are sweating, his heart is racing, his stomach is twisting. He might die right under those spotlights. But he keeps it together. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, opens them, and plays. He thinks it goes alright. He hopes it goes alright.

 He makes his way back stage, biting his lip and rubbing his hands together, tugging on the sleeves of his suit jacket and he  _cant stop fidgeting._

"Ash!" He hears from behind him, and he spins around and runs to Luke, jumping onto him and hugging him tightly. 

"Howd I do?" He whispers.

"I think you did great, princess." Luke drops a kiss onto the top of his head before leaning back and handing him 12 red roses. 

"Roses?" Ashton asks, playing with one of the pedals. 

"Roses." Luke replies.

"Maybe roses will be our always." Ashton teases, though hes fighting back a blush so, its whatever. And then, "Ashton Fletcher Irwin!" And he flinches, cowers back into Luke, who wraps a protective arm around his waist. 

"How dare you disappoint our family like that!" His father roars, and all the attention is  on them but no one is  _doing_ anything, no one  _cares._

"Father, I-"

"You embarrassment!" He raises his fist up, and Ashton turns his head into Lukes chest, tries to slouch and make himself smallersmallersmaller so he can disappear and maybe his parents would forget about him. 

"You cant talk to him like that!" Luke spits, and Ashton tenses. Nonono he'll make it worse, he'll make it worse. 

"Luke, please." Ashton whimpers.

"And you!" His dad turns to him. Theres no piercings in, no tattoos visible, and he looks like an average rich kid. He looks clean cut and Ashton doesnt like it, but he has to admit that he looks hot. 

"You did this to him! You delinquent! You distracted him! Youre corrupting my son!" Ashton fights back tears. He cant  _do_ this right now. Not with everyones eyes on him, not when hes clinging onto Luke, whose shouting profanities at his father, and making it worse. Making it so much worse. 

"Luke, stop! Youre making it worse!" And now hes mad. Hes mad, because Luke has no place to yell at his dad like this, to butt into Ashtons life. He has no right whatsoever. Ashtons a big boy, he can take care of himself. Luke finally drags them away. 

"Why do you let him yell at you like that?" Luke asks softly once they're out of the place. 

"Dont you dare. You had no right to say those things, Luke. No right. You shouldnt have done that!"

"Done what, help you?" Hes more confused then angry. Its cute.

"Yes, help me! Luke, we've known each other for what, a month? I know youre my friend, but you dont know." Ashton shakes his head.

"Wow, Im so fucking sorry for helping out a friend! Ill never do it again." Luke rolls his eyes. 

"Dont play like that, Lucas. Its not fucking funny. Know your god damn place." Ashton snarls before turning around and walking back into the building. He goes in the bathroom and splashes water on his face, and hes still angry, and he just had his first fight with Luke. Hes so upset.

..  
..

They dont talk for two weeks. Its miserable. Ashton eats lunch in the library and ignores the hang out sessions with Michael and Calum because he knows Luke will be there. He got let off with a slap and a 'watch yourself, boy' and that was it. He knows it could have been worse. Anyway, two weeks. Two weeks without bright blue eyes, miscolored piercings and weird tattoos. Two weeks. its torture.

But then Luke slides up to Ashton at his locker, hands him a rose, and talks about his bitch of a maths teacher. Ashton takes it as an apology, and its all okay after that. For about five minutes. 

"You going to the dance?" Luke asks, shifting out of the way as someone comes to open the locker hes leaning against. 

"Maybe." Ashton ignores the sliver of hope unfurling in his stomach, just shrugs. "Why? Are you?"

"Theres this cute new kid in my English class. If he says yes, then Im going." Hes grinning this grin, one that Ashton thought was reserved for him only but now hes talking about this kid with it, and it fucking hurts. He ignores the jealousy and positiveness that shoots through him, settles itself into his bones and twists its way into his veins. His chest hurts. 

"Cool. Best of luck." He smiles, shuts his locker, and walks off, leaving Luke confused behind him as he takes a shaky breath and looks up at the ceiling, blinking a few times.  _Fuck._

..  
..

Luke talks about him at lunch. His name is Jacob, and he has black hair and green eyes and the prettiest smile. Ashton doesnt eat, just lays his chin on his hands and tries to block out Lukes speaking. Calum shoots him a worried look, because he  _knows_ somehow. Ashton stops being able to take it when Luke talks about the inappropriate things he wants to do the kid. He just gets up and leaves. He throws the rose away as he walks out of the lunch room. he knows Luke sees it. He doesnt care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short and like, fast? anyway, get ready fro the next chapter. (dont hate me after u read it.) i hope its good.


	10. Chapter 8 - Pain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys theres child abuse int his, just a little, but i just thought i should warn u bc trigger warning. ily guys kay stay safe love lovel love

Its not like Ashton is  _purposely_ ignoring Luke. Its just, he stops going to his locker because its too much of a hassle. He stops eating lunch with the boys because theyre too loud. Hes busy all the time, not that he doesnt want to hang out with Luke because it hurts knowing he likes someone else. Thats not it at all.

Except. Now he doesnt know where to go. Report cards came out today. Ashton got a C. In maths.  _A C._  He was going to  _die._ His father was going to kill him. He wont even need to keep ignoring Luke, cause he'll be six feet under by tomorrow.

He doesnt go home. Not yet. He wanders around, and then he sees a piercing shop and he goes, 'Im already in trouble. Ive always wanted a piercing.' he shrugs and walks inside, and comes back out with a red ear and a cartilage piercing. He likes it. Now hes going to be twelve feet under. 

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin! Where have you been?" his dad shouts when he walks in. Its late. Like. 10 at night and he should be in bed. 

"Out!" Ashton yells back, toeing off his shoes and padding into the living room. 

"Where is your rep-" His father stops abruptly when he sees whats in Ashtons ear. 

"What is in your ear?!" He shouts. Ashton winces. His mother grabs his face. 

"Oh my baby! My poor baby! It was that delinquent of his! Oh hes corrupting my son!" Ashtons disgusted. He yanks back from his mothers hold.

"Dont you dare start that crap on me now! You've never cared before, you dont care now! I dont know who the fuck-" He stops when he gets punched. He can feel his dads ring ripping into his skin, blood sinking from the cut on his jaw. It thunders.

"Dont you dare talk to your mother that way!" He shouts. Ashton takes a step back, cups a hand over his jaw. 

"Now," His father straightens and holds his hand out. "Report card." Ashton whimpers and struggles through his bag, looking away as he hands his dad his report card. He can see the headline now, 

 _'Ashton Irwin, age 18, burned alive by his father with his report card as the only evidence.'_   It'll make an interesting news story.

"A C?!" His father roars. "A C! You ungrateful, good for nothing, embarrassment!" He gasps at the sharp pain that runs through his face, can feel his cheek heating up from the force of the slap, can feel more blood coming from his cheek. It falls onto his white shirt and stains it, a deep crimson red. Ashton doesnt cry. He wont. 

"We let you go to public school and this is how you repay us! I cant believe you. Youre mother must have whored around because you are not my son!" A punch to the gut. Another to the face. Ashton hurts all over. He stings from his hair to his toes, his chest heaves with the sobs he refuses to let out, his mouth bleeds profanities that he doesnt scream onto his shirt. He must look a sight. 

"Got to bed, you child!" Thats it. No son. Ashton cant stand it. He turns, and he runs away, and it raining and he sees lighting farther off but he doesnt care. He knows its 11 at night and he knows where hes going, sees the familiar houses and that one book shop that no one goes to. But his brain doesnt really register it until hes stopped in front of Lukes house. His hair is sticking to the forehead and the blood has been washed off his face, but more comes to replace it as soon as he steps onto Lukes front porch, and his shirt is still bloody and his jaw aches and his chest hurts and he just doesnt know what to do. So he does what he can. He bangs on the front door, knows Luke was asleep when he comes to answer with mussed hair and no shirt. He looks annoyed, spits out a, "What?" In a tone that softens when he sees Ashton there.

"Im sorry," Ashtons finally crying, finally breaks off into a sob that wracks through his entire body, makes him almost fall to the ground with the force of it, "Im sorry, its late,  _Im sorry._ " He doesnt know what hes apologizing for, just knows that he sobs harder when theres a voice behind Luke.

"Luke, whats going on?" Is asked, and Ashton catches sight of green eyes and black hair and tan skin and  _fuck._  Luke glances over his shoulder, throws Jacob, whos also shirtless with mussed hair, a weak smile and yeah. They werent sleeping when Ashton pounded on his door at 11 at night with a bleeding face and a broken heart. 

"Jacob, this is Ashton. Ashton this is Jaco..." he trails off when he turns back to the porch and Ashtons gone, walking away with fists clenched at his side. He ignores Luke calling after him, knowing if he really cared hed come after him but he doesnt. He stops a good way away from Lukes house, stops in the middle of a blackened street with rain pouring around him. His entire body hurts, and its not from the way his father treats him. No, its definitely not from that, because his bones creak with sadness and rain pours on his skin and he falls to the ground, crying and screaming till his voice runs hoarse. He bleeds, on that street, but its definitely not his blood. No, its more his heart, bleeding out the cruelness of his life. Its rips itself up, tears it into little pieces at the way Luke says  _his_ name, looks at  _his_ body the way he should be looking at Ashton. It hurts and he cant go home, cant go to Lukes, cant go to Michaels, doesnt know where to go to so he just cries in the middle of street and yells until he physically cant  _breathe._

..  
..

He ends up going to Calum. He must look a sight, because when Joy opens the door she pulls him into a hug without questions, lets him dirty up her clothes and fist into her shirt and wither away. hHe feels like he shouldnt be crying, feels like other kids have it worse and it shouldnt hurt this much but it  _does._

She makes him a cup of tea and then leaves to go get Calum, who comes down stairs with no shirt and a sleepy Michael in tow. it makes Ashton cry harder, the sight of Luke and Jacob flashing behind his eyes. His tea has gone salty from his tears and cold from rain water. 

"Ashton?" Calum asks, squinting his eyes against the harsh light. He hasnt seen Ashtons face yet, doesnt know the reason hes sitting in his house at midnight with wet clothes and shaking shoulders. Ashton doesnt answer, just heaves in a shudder breath. Hes barely crying now, just heaving in deep gasps and heaving out shaky breaths. Its not enough air but its too much at once and Ashton doesnt know if hes drowning or floating. 

"Dude, the fuck are you doing here?" Michael yawns. Ashton takes another deep breath before turning around in his seat. Theres a cut on his jaw and cheek, his lip is split and his eyes are red. They sting with the rainwater caught in his contacts and the tears still slowly making their way down his face.

"Hi guys." His voice is a whispered nothing, still feeling the after affects of his screaming session in the street.

Calum and Michael are just staring at him, eyes tracing every curve of his face. 

"Stop staring." It hurts to talk. Luke hurt more. 

"Who did this?" Calum asks slowly, walking over to Ashton. He raises his hand and Ashton flinches away, turns his face to the side to lessen the impact of the blow, and its. Hes not scared of Calum. He should know Calum wouldnt hit him. What is he thinking?

Calum stiffens, eyes soften, and then hes pulling Ashton down from the chair to wrap him into a hug. His body heat radiates into his skin, and the comfort brings a fresh wave of tears into Ashtons eyes. He wishes he could stop crying.

"Who did this to you?" Michael asks, firm, angrier than Calum and still in the spot he was standing. Ashton fists his hands on Calums back. 

"My dad." he whimpers.

"Your what?!" Calum and Michael shout at the same time. Ashton would laugh at them under normal circumstances. Its not normal circumstances. 

"Guys, its fine," He croaks. "It was. Its no big deal. Im fine. He doesnt do it a lot." Its true. The last time something this bad happened was when he was caught making out with a boy in his basement back in Perth. This was, of course, after his party got crashed. 

"That doesnt make it right!" Michael shouts. Ashton flinches. Calum sighs. 

"Micky, dont. Hes not- He needs sleep." Calum says soft, slow, runs his hands through Ashtons wet hair.

"He was with him." Ashton brings his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. They both look confused.

"Who was with who?" Michaels finally moving, finally coming into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate and throw away the ruined tea.

"I went to Luke, first. Before I uh, before I came here." Ashton coughs, shivers, ignores Calums worried look. His throat feels tight. The butterflies he normally gets when hes talking about Luke try to crawl up out of his stomach, try to make their way out of his throat. Their wings stick to his throat with sticky sadness, make it hard to talk. 

"He was there. Jacob, I mean, I thought, fuck, I thought they were sleeping." He shakes his head and digs his palms into his eyes. "Fuck, they were, god," He cant say it. "Im so fucking stupid, Cal." He chokes and then sobs and he hurts and hes tired but hes not tired. He cant even explain it, the emotions mixing themselves in his stomach, furling together and swirl and making all different ugly colors. 

"God, I thought I had a chance. Im so fuckin-" He breaks off when Calum pulls him to his side, and he hears a door open but he dismisses it. There are other people in this house. Its probably Mali coming downstairs to see what all the commotion is. 

"Im so mad at myself, Calum. I cant do this anymore, I cant keep-"

"Ash?" A tentative whisper, and then a body in the doorway of the kitchen, blonde hair matted to a forehead and blue eyes and mismatched piercings. Ashtons crying so hard now, feels like hes going to throw up when he sees a body lingering behind Luke. 

"Cal, fuck." Ashton whimpers, falls back into the protective arm that curls itself around his waist. A wave of tiredness crashes into his body like a tsunami. 

"Why would you bring him here?" Calum growls. 

"Who, Jacob?" Luke tilts his head to the side. Michael comes over and picks Ashton up from his chair. 

"Lets get you changed, bud." He says softly, smiling a sad smile. 

"Yes, Jacob. He has no need to be here." Ashton doesnt hear anymore after that, because hes being taken into Calums room upstairs and has a towel and clothes pushed gently into his chest. 

"Go take a shower, okay? Ill bring you up some hot chocolate." Ashton nods. Hes done crying now, but his throat is thick and his eyes are sore and he aches and hes tired and he throws up his lunch as soon as he steps up to the toilet.

..  
..

Its ten minutes later, and hes changed in over sized clothes and has his hand wrapped around a warm cup of something very chocolatey and very good. Michael is keeping him company, trying to block out the loud screams downstairs with jokes that make him smile but do nothing more. Finally, the noise dies down and theres a head popping into the room, but its not Calum its Luke and Ashton cant take much more of this. 

"Hey," he says softly, slipping into the room. "Cal says I get a minute with you. So." He glances over at Michael. 

"You can go for a minute, Mick. Ill be fine" Ashton whispers, smiling softly. Michael looks hesitant, but with one last look at Luke he leaves. Luke takes his spot, crossing his legs as he sits in front of Ashton. 

"Hi." he whispers.

"Hi." Ashton whispers back. Its silent for a second then.

"Why dont you want to see me?" And if its the way Luke says it, with all the hurt in his tone and eyes and body, or the way he looks like a small child with his gray sweatshirt and now dry hair sticking to his forehead, Ashton will never know, but he still sets his cup down on the bedside table and crawls over to Luke, curling into his side. Luke instantly pulls him into his lap, wrapping both arms around his waist. Ashton hides his face in Lukes chest, curling into a tight ball. 

"Its not that, Lukey. Im just. Tired." Ashton answers finally.

"Whyd you leave?"

"I didnt want to bother you. I shoulnt have come. Im sorry." Luke just shakes his head and presses a kiss to Ashtons head. 

"Missed you, Princess." Luke mumbles. 

"Missed you too, Pretty Boy." Ashton mutters, pressing a kiss to Lukes chest. 

"Lucas," Calum walks into the room. "Times up." his eyes roam over them, take in the curled up figures and Ashton pleading eyes. 

"I guess you can stay longer." He sighs and walks into the room with Michael and Jacob, who still looks awkward. He introduces himself politely, and Ashton jokes about how they met, and he can see the jealousy in Jacobs eyes but Luke still doesnt let him go, still keeps him curled into his chest and still presses kisses to his forehead every once in a while. They still fall asleep together, limbs tangled and eyes drooping, so its all okay. Its all okay for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this is goo bc i know its fast paced and like im not good at writing angst but yh.


	11. Chapter 9 - Bye, Luke.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob is a problem.

_Flick._ "When did you get this?'

"Ow! Dont flick it!" 

 _Flick._ "When."  _Flick. "_ Did." _flick._ "You." _Flick._ "Get." _Flick. "_ This?"

Ashton scowls, cupping his hand protectively around his ear and glaring at the blonde sitting across from him. "Last night." he finally answers.

Its the next day, after the incident. Ashtons had his bruises covered with makeup by Mali and hes sitting at lunch with his punk friends. And hes. Hes doing okay. Kind of. Jacobs theres, sitting next to Luke with an arm around his waist and. Hes not doing okay. Michael and Calum have yet to come back from the lunch line so. Hes not doing okay.

"Okay, but why?" Luke asks. Ashton rolls his eyes.

"Because I wanted to." He snaps, pushing his food around with his fork. 

"I like it." Ashton snorts.

"Thanks, Lucas, I totally needed your approval." Its said sarcastically, but hes actually grateful that Luke likes it. He sighs and pushes his food away, standing up and grabbing his bag. Luke pulls away from kissing Jacob long enough to ask, "Where are you going?"

"Im not hungry." Ashton tosses some crumpled up money at him before leaving to go wallow in self pity and books. 

..  
..

He finds the money shoved hastily into his locker at then end of the day. 'Keep it' is scribbled on a note. Ashton sighs and takes it before slamming his locker shut and walking out of the school. Hes so sad. Its pathetic.

..  
..

The next day is worse. Its so, so much worse. Ashtons face hurts more, and he doesnt have make up to do anything about it, and all day he gets question and he just responds with 'You should see the other guy' before pushing past and going to his class. But its not that. No. its definitely not that. Its when he goes tot he cafeteria and Luke is there, and when he sits down and Luke introduces Jacob as his boyfriend. Thats. Thats whats the worst part. He stands up and leaves, just as Calum and Michael sit down, and he hears Calum go, "What did you say to him?" And everything hurts but its numb at the same time. Does that make sense? It does to Ashton. He spends half of the day in the bathroom, skipping on the few classes he has with Luke.

..  
..

"Wheres that delinquent boyfriend of yours?" His mother asks as he walks in that day. He slams his bag down by the door. 

"I broke up with him." Ashton calls as he jogs up the stairs, slams the door to the music room shut, and proceeds to play drums for the rest of the day.

Luke comes by around six, and hes met with a 'Ashton! Your ex is here!' by Lauren, which confuses the hell out of him because Ashton never told him they were pretending to break it off? Ashton comes down the stairs in a muscle tee, a red bandanna holding back his hair. He pushes Luke out onto the porch, shooing Lauren away as he shuts the door before walking down the steps of the porch. Luke follows, slightly confused. 

"Whyd you tell your parents we broke it off?" He finally asks. Ashton doesnt look at him, just smiles this sad smile that breaks Lukes heart. He shoves his hands into his pocket and shrugs.

"Didnt want to make it difficult for you and Jacob." He kicks a rock and then turns to Luke, making the taller boy stop. The dainty streetlight forms a sort of fuzzy halo around the top of his head, from where Ashtons standing. He hums and runs a hand through Lukes hair, fixing any out of place strands. It kind of feels like the end, even though Ashton knows it isnt because Lukes still  _here,_ still  _alive_ and  _breathing._ But hes not. Hes not where Ashton wants him to be, so hes not really  _here._ Hes just. Here. Which makes no sense. Ashtons either drunk or insane. He figures the latter. 

Lukes not saying anything, not doing anything, just standing there and looking at Ashton with this, this  _look_ and Ashton cant figure out the emotions running through Lukes mind, cant process what the angel in front of him is thinking. So he just leans up and presses a soft kiss to Lukes cheek, because he doesnt really know how much more of it he can take. 

"Bye, Luke." he whispers, before turning and making his way to his house and thats. Thats that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowowow sorry this is short and shitty and u all will hate jacob in the next chapter wowowowow fuck wow this is not where i wanted this story to go but whatever it gets worse b4 it gets better okay


	12. Chapter 10 - Assholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacobs an asshole, and so is Michael and Ashton, but theyre a better type of asshole

Lukes been dating Jacob for a day.  _A day._ Just a day. He cant even have that big of crush on him, cause hes only known him for like a week, so. Its not like theyre desperately in love. Yet, when Ashton comes to school the next day theres a blonde sanding at Lukes locker, shoving books hastily into the small space. A blonde. Lukes not a blonde. Lukes a blue/purple haired tree-freak that stands out in crowds with the hair that brings out his eyes. So why is there a blonde standing where Luke should be? Ashton finds out by tapping on said blonde shoulder and yeah. Luke turns to him with a weary smile. Ashton frowns. 

"The fuck is this?" He asks, motioning his hand up and down Lukes body. 

"You just gestured to all of me." Ashton just gives him this look, and he runs a hand through his hair. 

"Oh. Yeah. Jacob didnt like my hair, so I changed it back to blonde." Ashtons eyes widen as Luke says this so simply, like its the most normal thing in the world. 

"You what?!" He shouts. People turn to stare at them and Luke waves sheepishly. 

"Sh, Ash. Its not that big of a deal."

"Lucas, its a huge deal! Youre changing yourself for him! Thats not right." He sighs, shoving a hand into his pocket. 

"You changed yourself for your parents." Luke shrugs and slams his locker shut.

"Excuse the fuck out of you?" Ashton glares at him. Hes about to open his mouth, about to tell Luke off, but then Jacob is sidling over, wrapping an arm around Lukes waist. 

"Hey baby. I like what you did to your hair." He greets with a kiss to Lukes cheek.

"I dont." Ashton growls out, gripping the strap of his messenger bag.

"Youre not dating him." Jacob gives him this smirk, one that makes Ashton want to rip his hair out. Lukes or Jacobs, he doesnt know.

"He shouldnt have to change himself for you, asshole." Ashton gets out through gritted teeth. Hes not gonna pretend to like this guy for the sake of Luke. Hes never been good at that.

"Ash." Luke warns him. He shouldnt have to be warned. 

"What-fucking-ever," Ashton scoffs, shaking his head. "This conversation isnt over, Lucas." He points a finger at him before turning and walking off. 

"I think its pretty done for." Ashton rolls his eyes at Jacob and stops in the middle of the hallway, turning to face the two boys.

"Hey, Jacob, guess what?" Ashton calls. The bell rings, and everyone scurries to class. Jacob waits till the hallways are clear before he asks a, 'What?' in this snooty tone.

"Ive gotten your boyfriend hard. Twice." Ashton smirks and turns around, walking away while flicking the pair off behind his back. He regrets nothing.

..  
..

Michael doesnt throw a fit. Michael doesnt throw a bitch fit. No. Michael goes fucking ape shit.

"You did what?!" He screams when he sees Luke, and asks whats up with the new do, and Ashton explains what happened, including what he said to the pair in the hallway. Michael gives him a high five with his eyes locked on Luke. 

"That is nothing to high five about. It was embarrassing." Luke scowls.

"You. Did. What?!" Michael yells again, slamming his palms against the table after every word.

"Chill, guys. its no big deal." Luke rolls his eyes. 

"The fuck do you mean no big deal?!" The entire cafeteria is staring at them, and Luke turns red under the attention. Ashton curses him for being so cute.

"You begged your mom for a year to let you dye your hair like that! Youve wanted to do that since for-fucking-ever! You only had it for like, a month and a half!" Luke rolls his eyes and steals one of Ashtons chips. He doesnt say anything. 

"Jacob likes it." Luke shrugs innocently.

"Does Jacob like sucking my dick?! Cause thats exactly what Jacob can fucking do!"

"What can Jacob do?" Ashton rolls his eyes as the black haired beauty drops his tray next to Luke. 

"Im going to fucking kill you!" Michael yells. Hes very protective of his friends, Ashtons learned. 

Michael lunges across the table, and it takes both Ashton and Calum to restrain him from the wide eyed Jacob. 

"Alright, babe. Thats enough." Calum soothes, pulling Michael down to sit.

"Knew I didnt fucking like you. I cant believe you made our Luke change like that." michael snarls, curling his fists into a tight grip on the table.

"Um, if I recall, Lukes not yours. Hes mine." If Ashton could have it his way, he'd have Michael hold Jacob down while they took turns punching the shit out of him. But he cant do that. So he settles on saying, "Ive also made out with him before you. Twice." And then going and continuing lunch like nothing happened, accepting the fist pump Michael gives him behind their backs. 

..  
..

"Honey Im home!" Ashton sings, stepping into Calums house. Calum rolls his eyes and smacks him on the back of the head, pushing him out of the doorway so he can walk inside. Ashtons been ignoring his family, trying to be there as less as possible. The cuts are starting to heal, and the bruises on his face are fading to a light yellow/purple/blue. Its very unappealing.

"Hello second son." Joy greets, stirring something in a pot. "Hello son."

"Hello second mother." Ashton gives her a kiss on the cheek before following Calum up to his room. Its quiet while they situate themselves, Ashton claiming the spinny desk chair and Calum and Michael sitting pretzel style next to each other on the bed, their knees touching. Ashton spins on the chair a few times before stopping. 

"Are we all thinking the same thing? I think we are."

"What, that Jacobs an egotistical maniac and Id like to pull his lips off so he can never say anything to Luke again?" Michael questions calmly, laying his head on Calums shoulder.

"Well, not exactly. Something along those lines though, yes." Ashton nods, slinking backwards in his seat, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples with two fingers.

"We seriously need to do something about him." Calum pipes up.

"We do. What he made Luke do was wrong, not to mention stupid as fuck. Luke looked good with that hair." Ashton opens his eyes, sitting back up in his chair. 

"You think he looks good with anything." Calum smirks. Ashton rolls his eyes. Luke walks in. 

"What are we talking about?" He asks, plopping himself down on Ashtons lap. Ashton groans but wraps his arms around his waist anyway, squirming a bit to get comfortable.

"Your idiotic boyfriend who thought you had to go back to blonde to be good enough for him." Michael says. Ashton hides his smile in Lukes shirt. Jacob joins the party. Theres a simultaneous groan from all three boys, excluding Luke. Theyre kind of assholes. They kind of dont care.

"Off the bed." Ashton peers around Lukes back to catch a glimpse of Michael pushing Jacob off the bed. Ashton stifles a laugh, which turns into a whine as soon as theres about 200 more pounds added to the weight already on his lap.

"Off my body." He says.

"Im not on your body. Im on Lukes." He can practically hear the stupid smirk in Jacobs voice.

"You are, by extension, on my body." Ashton tightens his grip on Luke and then leans forward, causing Jacob to fall out of his lap. The boy finally just sits on the floor, with this annoying pout on his face, and asks, "Lukey, come sit with me." Ashton has to hold back the growl, because only he can call Luke, Lukey. No one else does, not Calum, not Michael, no one. God, hes so possessive, but Lukes not  _his._ He should be. But he isnt. Luke glances behind him at Ashton, who shakes his head and holds him tightly. 

"Nah, hes pretty comfortable." is what he says and Luke shrugs, leaning back into Ashtons chest and laying his head on his shoulder. Ashton smirks at Jacob, raising an eyebrow. 

_Ashton - 1 Jacob- 0_


	13. Chapter 11- Choose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukes an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowowowow thank all of u for commenting i love u all so much uwuwuwu

The only alone time that Ashton has with Luke is during his job at Hot Topic (with the occasional visit from Michael and Calum) because Jacob the Jackass has decided he needs to be everywhere with Luke. So when hes sitting on top of the counter, munching on a few chips and listenting to Luke tell a story about a costumer, and Jacob walks in, he isnt having it. 

"Oh, no," he shakes his head, jumping off the counter and walking over to Jacob and dragging him out by his arm. "This is the only alone time I get with Luke. You are not staying here."

Jacob scoffs, shakes his head and pulls his arm out of Ashtons grip. "You just dont get it do you? Luke doesnt  _want_ to hang out with you. Youre just a stupid rich boy that he was using. And now that he cant use you anymore, its just a matter of time before he dumps you. He wants to, but hes just too nice. So why dont you use mummy and daddys money, and run off to buy some new friends." Hes smirking, crossing his arms over his chest, like hat he said as the  _cleverest_ thing that hes ever said in his life. That escalated quickly. _  
_

And

that shit dont fly with Ashton. So he punches him. Right in the nose. He feels an odd sense of pride at the crimson blood that slowly comes from the boys nose. 

"Fucking. Asshole. You dont know shit about me, or my fucking life, you have no right to say that. Fucking none." he adds a swift kick to the shin, one that makes Jacob crumple to the floor, clutching his nose in two fingers. Hes just walking away, hands shoved in his pockets, when he hears Jacob tell Luke that 'I have no clue what happened, I was just asking him a question and he punched me!' And that. That is just the icing on the cake, the straw that broke the camels back, that thing that makes Ashton spin around and yell. 

"You liar!" He screams, and everyone falls silent, turns to look at the enraged boy with the red face and clenched fists and broken heart.

"Ashton please." Luke shakes his head, helping Jacob up. "I think you need to go. I dont want to see you." And Ashton just. Just. Just doesnt know. He feels a sharp, stabbing pain in his chest, and he has to look down to make sure hes not bleeding and oh, yeah, thatd just be his  _heart breaking._ Luke. Chose Jacob. Over Ashton.

_Jacob - 1 Ashton - 1_

..  
..

"He said that?" Calum asks after Ashton had recited the story to him, pacing across the floor. Hes yet to tell them the worst part, about what Luke said to him.  _Fuck._

"He really said that?" Michael asks. He. Is. Fuming. Jaw clenched, digging his nails into his skin, face red. Its kind of terrifying, with his muscles and tattoos and piercing and yeah. Hes intimidating.

"What'd Luke say?" And Ashton visibly deflates. He stops pacing, pressing his back to the wall and sliding down. He takes a shaky breath, pressing his head back to the wall and looking up at the ceiling. 

"He uh," he swallows. "He told me I needed to go, and that, fuck," He blinks, "That he didnt want to see me." He shakes his head, shutting his eyes against the too bright light. 

"Okay, enough." Ashtons snap open to look at Michael, whos grabbing his jacket off the bed and standing up. "No, thats not fucking right. He doesnt not get to pull this shit.  _We_ are his best friends. He doesnt get to choose some shitty kid whos been in his life for a few weeks over us, over  _you._ " He points at Ashton, whos quickly standing up. 

"What are you going to do? Go to his house and beat some sense into him?" Calum snorts, but hes standing up too so Ashton guesses they're all for the plan that Michael has. 

"If I fucking have to." Which. Okay.

..  
..

So Ashton knows that Jacob and Luke are dating, but its still gross and weird and hurtful to walk in on them making out on Lukes couch. 

"You," Michael grabs Jacob by the back of the shirt and hauls him off the couch. "Out." He orders.

"What?" Jacob laughs in this weird, confused kind of way.

"Dont mess with him, dude. Just leave." Calum says coldly, giving Jacob a harsh push. He walks out of the house somewhat confused.

"What the fuck?" Luke asks.

"You picked Jacob,  _Jacob_ , over Ashton? You are shitting me, right Hemmings?"

"What?" Luke stands up, brushes off his mouth with the back of his hand. Ashton wants to kiss him. He always does. 

"Ashton punched him, of course I chose Jake." Ashton rolls his eyes at the nickname.

"Dude, you didnt hear what Jacob said to him." Calum says in this calm - well, calmer than Michael - voice. When hes done, Luke turns to Ashton with hard eyes and oh.  _Oh._ Yeah. That hurts.

"You  _lied_ to them?" he asks. Ashton splutters for a second. 

"What?" he finally manages to get out, and his voice is raised a few octaves. "No, I didnt fucking lie to them, Luke." He hates the way his voice cracks when he says the others name. "I didnt - I didnt lie. Please, Lukey. I didnt." He knows hes repeating himself, knows that Luke doesnt believe him judging by the sharp tone and cold eyes and yeah. Ashtons world is kind of crumbling down around him, shards of glass and concrete stabbing him repeatedly in the heart.

"Get. Out." Luke snarls and Ashton almost collapses right there. He doesnt, just nods mutely and stiffly walks to the door. He hears yelling, by Michael, and then Calum joins in, trying to pull Michael away from the blond whos yelling back in the  _harshest_ voice that Ashtons ever heard him use to talk to Michael and its. Its his fault. Hes fucked  _everyone_  over, including himself and Michael and Calum and Jacob and his parents and god. He hates himself. 

..  
..

He doesnt talk to Luke for a long time. Well, not that long yet. Its only been what, a few weeks? But yeah. It hurts, basically, seeing him laugh with Jacob and his friends, kiss him in the hallways before class. So. It hurts a lot. And he doesnt know what to do about it.

"Youre joining the talent show." Calum says, dropping his tray in front of Ashton, and then pushing a second one towards the confused boy. (Hes been buying Ashton lunch. Ashton refuses to go through the line)

"What? No Im not." Ashton picks at the bread, breaking a piece off and popping it into his mouth. Its fresh. 

"Yes, you are. Mike and I are already in it, so now you have to join too. We'll back you up, we've heard you play drums."

"What is this, a band?" Ashton rolls his eyes.

"No. But you need a pick me up. Its in a few weeks, and by that time you can find a song, memorize the lyrics and play out the notes." Calum says as Michael joins them. 

"Did you already tell him?" He whines. Calum rolls his eyes. 

"Anyway," Calum says, dragging out the word as he pulls a sheet of paper from his backpack. 

"This is a list of songs that me and Mikey know, and that have been approved by the school. Choose." he says, sliding the slip of paper over the table. Ashton picks it up, nibbling on the rest of the bread His eyes scan the paper.  _No. No. No. Maybe. No. No. No._   _Yes._

"That one." He puts the paper back down and points to one of the songs. 

"Dollhouse?" Calum asks. Ashton nods. 

"Why?" Michael asks. Ashton takes Calums water and shrugs, opening it. He takes a sip before answering.

"I dont know. Like, its always kind of related to me?" he pushes the water back to Calum. "Everyone always expects me to have this perfect life because Im rich and they think my parents love me, but its never really been that?" he shrugs again. "So. Yeah. Thats the song I want to do." 

Michael and Calum just nod, and if Michael and Calum hug him a bit longer before they leave for class, then. No one but them has to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short, shitty update that i wanted to get out there before i have to go to school tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 12 - Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should know by the chapter title do I even need to put a summary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i know that u guys will kill me and I also know that destinee will hate me but i dont care u screen shotted by sneak peek bitch  
> (just kidding)  
> (ur perfect)  
> (dont murder me)  
> (also i kno ppl hate when theres song lyrics but i just put the ones i felt were necessary so just read them okay)

As much pride as Ashton has (a lot) he still sucks it up to go apologize to Luke. Its just, he couldnt really take it anymore. He hated,  _hated_ , seeing Luke with Jacob, and hated the fact he couldnt text the boy or call him or hang out with him and really, he just missed Luke. He missed his bright eyes and wild laugh and long legs and his stupid, beautiful face, so yeah. 4 weeks spent without Luke made him insane. So, on Monday morning, he tucks the bouquet of flowers he'd bought behind his back and slides over to Luke at his locker, pressing past Jacob. 

"I, uh," He clears his throat as Luke looks to him, a look of longing and sadness fleeting through his eyes before it disappears. "I wanted to say sorry. For, doing what I did so. Here." Ashton pulls the colored roses out from behind his back, handing them to Luke, who has both a confused and happy look on his face.

"I did some research, on flowers." Ashton says. "The white rose means humility, pink means believe me, yellow with red tip means friendship," It also means falling in love, but Ashton doesnt tell Luke that, of course. But he thinks it. "Blue and purple because thats the color your hair was when I first met you, and uh, the red because thats what you gave me for my piano recital so. Yeah." he tucks another flower behind Lukes ear. "And uh, a white tulip means sorry. So." he nods and laces his fingers behind his back, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Luke looks at him for a moment, runs his fingers over the tips of the red rose before he leans down and pulls Ashton into a hug. Ashton lets out a sigh of relief, hugging Luke back just as tightly. 

"You know red stands for love, right?" Jacob asks behind them, but Ashton ignores him for the sake of Luke, and Luke is whispering 'Im sorry's and 'I missed you's into Ashtons neck, so hes kind of ignoring Jacob too. 

"I missed you too." Ashton presses a kiss to Lukes head and then Luke pulls away. He stuffs the flowers carefully into his back pack, so that theyre sticking out of the top. He shuts his locker and turns to face Jacob and Ashton. 

"So uh, I heard youre in the talent show." Luke says, and Ashton nods.

"Yeah, the lads forced me. Ill be playing the guitar and singing so. Yeah. You gonna be there?" He asks shyly, looking up at Luke through his lashes.

"Promise." Luke nods, and then the bell rings, and he kisses Ashton on the cheek and yeah. Everythings good.

..  
..

Everythings  _not_ good. 

Ashtons just walked on stage and he  _cant find Luke._ He cant find him. He  _promised_ he'd be here.  _Promised._ You dont just break a promise! 

"Ash!" Michael turns from tuning his guitar to walk over to Ashton, whos got his own guitar in his hand. They decided that the drums were too loud for the small auditorium, and that he'd just put people to sleep with the piano. So they settled on guitar.

"You ready?" Michael asks, fingers already strumming out the first notes. Ashton moves his hands along the neck of the guitar, makes sure he remembers the notes correctly, then nods. 

"Cal!" Michael shouts, and Calum nods instantly, coming to stand beside Michael. Theyve formed a small barrier in front of Ashton, which stops him from viewing the crowd because  _hello_ , hes short.

Michael plays the first few chords on his guitar, the audience going silent, and then he jumps over to his microphone on the side of the stage. Calum nods and gives Ashton a reassuring smile as he walks to the front, playing the new chords over Michael, and then Calum starts the bass on the other side of the stage. They keep playing, and then they pause, and then they start again and someone behind the audio starts the sound of a clock ticking. 

"Hey girl, open the walls, play with your dolls, we'll be a perfect family." Ashton starts, and hes so  _fucking_ nervous because where. is. Luke. His eyes scan the crowd once, twice, three times before they land on motherfucking Jacob. Who doesnt have Luke with him. And. yeah. Thats not what Ashton expected, because Jacob always has Luke with him. His mind running a mile a minute, running through scenarios.  _Is Luke sick? Did they break up? The fuck is going on?_  He shuts his eyes, tries to focus on the song.

"You dont hear me when I say mom, please wake up, dads with a  _slut,_ and your son is smoking cannabis."  _How did they even approve this song?_

"Dont let them see what goes down in the kitchen," The three boys sing at once, and then they all jump back and scurry around the stage till their standing next to each other, tallest to shortest. 

"Places, places, get in your places, throw on your dress and put on your doll faces. Everyone thinks that we're perfect, please dont let them look through the curtains." They continue to sing as one, and their voices blend together, and it  _works._

"D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E I see things that nobody else sees, D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E I see things that nobody else sees." They all move back to their respective spots, and Ashton gets infinitely more nervous without his best friends by his side.

"Hey girls, look at my mom, shes got it going on."

"Ha!" Michael and Calum shout into their microphones, and Ashton giggles through the next line.

"Youre blinded by her jewelry." He manages to get back to normal to sing the next few lines, and hes getting ready to scramble back into place.

"No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens, dont let them see what goes down in the kitchen."

They all scramble back into place, into line, as they sing the chorus. 

"Hey girl." Michael and Calum begin the bridge, turning to corner Ashton to the side of the stage, pushing him back so hes almost hidden by the curtains. 

"We'll be the perfect family." Ashton pushes past them to jump back in the middle of the stage, finishing up the chorus with his best friends by his side an yeah. He thinks they did good. He doesnt think they messed up. No one broke a guitar string. 

But Luke. Isnt. Here. And thats kind of worse than if they bombed the show.

(They didnt. They won second place, and Michaels performance with Calum won first, and Calum dropped out because he couldnt remember three different songs with three different lyrics, notes, chords, and so some random girl placed third. But Luke still wasnt there. So it sucks.)

..  
..

Why is it always a park? Always, always, if youre looking for someone, you go to the nearest park because theres a 95% chance thats where the person will be. 

Ashton sits down next to Luke on the sand, hands buried deep in his jacket pockets. Hes silent for a minute and then, "Missed you at my performance." Without looking at Luke.

"Yeah I uh, sorry about that." Luke turns to face Ashton, his eyebrow piercing capturing the moonlight and glinting over at Ashton. "I fell asleep, told Jacob to wake me but he didnt."

"He was there."

"I know. We got into a fight." Luke scooches over to Ashton and drops his head on his shoulder. Ashton wraps an arm around Lukes waist and places his head on top of Lukes.

"About?" He asks.

"He uh," Luke pulls a hand out of his jacket to scratch at his nose. "He told me I couldnt hang out with you anymore. I told him no, of course Im hanging out with you, youre my best friend. But he, uh, he didnt see it that way. I told him, earlier, about you paying me to be my boyfriend so he um, he wasnt happy about it. Went off on this long rant about how Im his, and that youre just gonna steal me away from him and he uh," Lukes voice turns thick, as if coated in honey, and Ashton pulls back from their makeshift cuddle session to look at him. Theres tears in his eyes and he sniffles. _Whats that sound? Oh, just my fucking heart breaking._ Ashton reaches up and brushes the tears away with the pad of his thumb, nods at Luke to continue, that it was okay.

"He," Luke clears his throat. "He hit me."

Ashton stares at him, words running through his heads.

_He hit me. He hit me. he hit me. Hithithithithithit, Jacob. Hit. Luke. Hit. Him._

"I kicked him out. He said he wouldnt do it again. He promised he wouldnt do it again. I think, fuck, Ash, I think he lied. He didnt  _sound_ sorry. He didnt even  _look_ sorry. God, I should have broke it off with him right there. Stupid, stupid, stupid." Luke digs his palms into his eyes, scrubbing at them. Ashton stares, barely hearing the last of Lukes story because his brain is still stuck in  _protect_ and  _kill,_ and  _hurt Jacob,_ but he does manage to reach and arm out and pull Luke into his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Luke repositions so hes straddling Ashton, one leg on each side of him, and buries his face in Ashtons neck, wrapping his arms around him. Ashton rubs his back, drops kisses to his hair and temple and whispers, 'Its okay, I got you' and 'Ill kill him' and 'you need to get rid of him' and 'Its okay, Pretty Boy' because he figures Luke needs a sense of familiarity that the nickname can bring. Finally, after about five minutes of sniffling and crying and hearts breaking and sweet words that get whipped away by the wind, Luke pulls back. The normal bright blues of his eyes are now turned a dull gray, rimmed by red veins that crisscross through the white of his eyes. Ashtons wipes the remaining tears on the pale face with his fingers, brushing them through Lukes hair after.  _  
_

"I want you to kiss me." Lukes voice cracks on the last word and he shuts his eyes, lets out a deep sigh before letting them flutter open. The moonlight casts long shadows on his face, cheeks hollowed out and eyelashes fawning and yeah, hes kind of beautiful, so Ashton doesnt hesitate in moving one hand down to cup Lukes jaw, tangling the other one in the back of Lukes hair, using it to push them forward. He stops, right before their lips brush, and he can feel Lukes warm breath on his face, the smell of peppermint and something chocolatey and it makes Ashton shiver all over, because hes kissed Luke before, so its nothing new, but it is at the same time. Because this, this is on their own terms, not a show that theyre putting on for other people. This is their ow personal moment, that will be remembered by no one but themselves, and the trees and the moon and crisp, October air that circles around them. So yeah. Its a little different.

"You sure?" Ashton whispers, and Luke nods once, so Ashton presses their lips together. A feeling of warmth that shouldnt be there, because its the middle of October and hes wearing a thin hoodie and denim jeans that dont do much to block out the cold and keep the warmth in, but he _is_  warm _,_ warmth that spreads through his body and tangles itself into his veins, clogs his arteries and settles into his bones, sends his heart racing and his brain malfunctioning and all he can think is  _Luke_ and  _lips_ and he tastes like peppermint and hot chocolate and hes sliding his hand under Ashtons shirt, exposing it to the cold but Ashton cant feel it. All he feels is slender fingers curling up his side, soft touches on smooth skin and warm, chapped lips that catch and slide and drag against his own in a wonderful, wonderful way and then Luke pulls away and everything comes crashing down on top of them, because Luke is  _dating_ someone and Ashton isnt supposed to have  _feelings_ like this. 

"Not the same!" Luke yells, jumping up from Ashtons lap and pacing and grabbing at his hair and Ashtons really fucking confused.

"Its not the same, its not the same, why isnt it the same?!" Luke rounds on Ashton, who quickly jumps up.

"What?" he asks, grabbing Luke by the shoulders. He gently eases the boys hands out his hair, tangling his fingers with his own.

"Why isnt the same when I kiss Jacob? Why, Ashton, why do I like kissing you more?! This isnt fair, its not right!" Ashton takes a small ounce of pride in the fact that yeah, hes a better kisser than Jacob and yeah, Luke likes him more. But Luke is  _also_ kind of having an existential crisis so. Priorities.  _  
_

"Luke, babe, come on, its okay." Ashton soothes, tugging on Lukes hand. Luke practically falls on Ashton, practically makes them crash to the ground but then theyre kissing again so its okay, and Ashton doesnt care.

..  
..

Luke sits with them at Lunch for the first time in like, a month. Its nice, and happy, and he has purple hair with pink streaks and Michael and Calum dont comment on the small bruise that runs along the side of Lukes jaw. Jacob stays over at his own table, but theyre still dating so. Thats a bummer.

"Calum wont get naked for meee." Michael whines, and Calum flicks a chip at Michael from the other side of the table. 

"Send me nudes!" Ashton calls out, and everyone laughs, and Luke twines their fingers together under the table and yeah. Its good to be home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY


	15. Chapter 13 - Break up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Ashton is so full of fond. So much that its makes his chest  _ache_ , makes his ribs want to burst from the adoration and affection he feels. Hes currently standing in the doorway of his back porch, watching Luke teach his younger brother football tricks while leaves flutter to the ground around them.

"Alright, kids!" he finally calls out, and Luke looks towards him from kicking the football up and it lands on his head. Ashton wheezes out a laugh and shakes his head, rolling his eye fondly. "C'mon, I made hot chocolate." He tips his head towards the living room and Harry rushes past him, with Luke following slowly behind, still rubbing his head. Ashton's parents are gone, on some stupid trip, so he doesnt get yelled at when he leans up and kisses the pout of Lukes lips. No slurs, or sneers behind their backs. 

"C'mon, Idiot." Ashton links their hands together.

"I think I want to break up with Jacob." Luke whispers in one flurry of words that have Ashtons heart stopping, and then beating again wildly, erratically, taking his breath away.

"Yeah?" He asks softly. 

"Yeah." Luke whispers back. A grin flutters across Ashtons face, stretching it wide enough to hurt.

"Good. We'll go in a few minutes, okay?" He asks. Luke nods and kisses Ashton and everything is right in the world.

(Harry put whipped cream on Ashtons nose and Luke licked it off. It was weird and sent a warm feeling in Ashtons chest, made his stomach tangle and rearrange itself into knots.)

..  
..

So. This is not how it was supposed to play out. Luke knocks on Jacobs door once, twice, three times, and when Jacob doesnt answer he just grabs the key from under the mat and opens the door and walks in and theres Jacob. Theres Jacob, making out with a girl. On his couch. A girl. Kissing. (Ashton sees tongue) Luke clears his throat, and Jacob looks away and. Not guilt. No, not guilt. Fear. Ashtons thinks Jacob is scared of losing Luke, not because he loves him, no, because he wants to have this power over people, wants to know they'll do as he says without second guessing it, wants to know that they'll forever think hes the sky when really, hes not worth the dirt under Lukes fingernails. 

"Its not what it looks like." Jacob hops up, and Luke just shakes his head, turns, and walks out. Ashton waves sheepishly. 

"Hi, yeah, just in case you didnt know, that was Luke breaking up with you. And just in case you didnt know, lovely girl, that was the guy Jacob was cheating on you with so. Bye!" Ashton walks out the door, slams it behind him. He has to run to catch up with Luke.

"Hey," He tugs on the blondes shoulder, causing him to come to a stop. "Slow down, yeah?" Luke spins around and ouch.  _Ouchouchouch._ Hes crying, tears that fall silently onto his face and pool at his jaw before dripping down on to his shirt. 

"Aw, babe," Ashton shakes his head and brushes the tears away with his fingers, but more come to replace them. he leans up and presses a kiss to Lukes right cheek, on his cheekbone. "Dont cry over him," he speaks into the soft skin, and then he kisses Lukes left cheekbone, "Hes not worth your tears." He pulls back and presses a kiss to Lukes mouth, and its salty and Luke doesnt stop crying and it kind of sucks, but its with Luke so its still kind of amazing. Ashton pulls back and presses his face into Lukes neck, wraps his arms tightly around his waist and pretends he doesnt feel the tears that fall into his hair. 

_..  
.._

Lukes okay, after a bit of silent crying and multiple kisses and a few cups of tea. Theyre cuddled up on the couch, now, Finding Nemo playing on Ashtons big screen. Luke hasnt talked since they came home from Jacobs but Ashton thinks okay, knows that the universe is just pausing in its time for Luke to gather up his thoughts, think of what to do next. Its when Dory begs Nemos Dad to stay that Luke finally croaks out, "I didnt think he was so bad. I should have known, shouldnt I have? That I wasnt good enough for him, to make him stay." Ashton cuddles in closer to Luke, pulls him as close to his side as possible without actually crawling inside of Lukes skin.

"No, you shouldnt have." He whispers into Lukes hair. "I dont think you really get it, do you? Jacob wasnt  _right_ for you. He isnt worth a single strand of your hair, or a molecule in your body. Youre  _gold_ , Luke. You shine brighter than the sun, and youre  _important_ , and Jacob wasnt. To some people, yeah, but to you? You thought he was, Luke, because you wanted him to be, but hes not, because hes not right for you. If youre the sun, then hes pluto, cold and distant and fake and yeah, some people believe in him, but not you. Youre an entire universe, Luke, and youre special to me, so Jacob can shove it." he doesnt think Luke hears him, because the words are soft, muffled and whispered and fleeting and scared, but then he can hear the sharp intake of breath, can almost feel Lukes brain over working, and when he brushes his nose across Lukes pulse, he can feel it beating like a race horse. He knows his words barely make sense, just jumbled up nothings because Ashton never really has been good at voicing his thoughts. But, judging by the way Luke kisses him, wet with tears and love and needy and desperate, but slow and smooth all the same, he understood, which is all that really matters.

..  
..

Lukes feeling better the next day. Ashton knows, because when he comes home from school and it starts raining an hour later and he goes in the kitchen to make a cup of tea, hes halfway done when a voice calls out, "Ive got kittens!" And. What? He peeks his head out of the door, and theres Luke, freshly dyed hair dripping colors onto his white tank that reads 'Fuck it, lets drink!' in big black lettering, and all over Ashtons floor. Hes shivering, his jacket wrapping around a ball of fur. 

"Lucas!" Ashton scolds, walking over to the boy. "Youre going to get sick! Come on, you need dry clothes."

So its five minutes later, when Lukes in some pajama pants with no shirt (Ashtons having trouble breathing) that theyre in Ashtons bathroom. Washing a kitten thats no bigger than Lukes hand. When his Thursdays became heart achingly adorable, Ashton could never tell you. Hes sitting with his back pressed against the door, watching Lukes back as his muscles flex when he moves to stop the kitten from jumping out, or when he turns his head to the side, scrunching his nose up in laughter as water comes flying at his face. Ashtons struck with fondness again, so much that he actually has to stop breathing for a minute, clothes his eyes and just listen to the mewling of a kitten and the soft giggles of a boy he might love. Luke is so  _much_ , such a constant presence in Ashtons life but also  _not_ enough, too much and not enough and Ashtons confused, like hes just learned that his heart is on the right side of his chest instead of the left. Luke is. Luke is the universe, big and shining and living and breathing and. And. Ashton cant keep these thoughts in forever, so he slides over to Luke, wraps his arms around his waist and braces his feet against the side of the bathtub that the kitten is in. (Lukes sitting out of it, pretzel style with his hands down deep into the tub) He hooks his chin over Lukes shoulder, content to just watch Lukes hands slowly scrub dirt and grime off the kitten, soothing it and petting it and.  _Too much._

"Youre like gold." Ashton presses the words into a kiss at Lukes neck, digs them right into his pulse. Hes warm all over, soft and hazy, being in the presence of Luke. 

"You told me that yesterday. What does it mean?" Luke slips one hand out of the tub, blindly grasps for Ashtons. He brings it up and presses a kiss to the back of it before he drops it and stops the kitten from getting out again. 

"You shine, Luke. Youre so much, and you dont even know it. Your laugh is like the spring, new and exciting and intoxicating, and your kisses are like summer, warm and hazy and theres never enough." Ashton can feel Lukes heart speed up under his lips. "And you. Youre like Christmas and fall and - and chocolates and Starbucks and gold and universe and," Ashton shuts his eyes, breathes in the scent of Luke, of rain water and salt and sweet. And Home. "And youre so big, like the universe has to expand just to fit you. And its  _good_ , so good, too good, because Luke, if youre gold, then Im silver, just a sliver of a star in your presence, and if youre Heaven then Im Hell and-"

"And youre home. And warmth, and happiness, and love, and enough. For me." 

Ashton falls silent after that. The two boys just sit, listening to a kitten mewling and the breaths of the boy they might love.

..  
..

Lukes not at school on Friday. And like, Ashton shouldnt be worried, because Luke is a bad ass and he skips school all the time. But he doesnt skip  _alone_. Its always with Michael or Calum, who are both here today and he always,  _always_ , texts Ashton. Every single time. Whether it be asking him to skip, or just telling him that hes skipping so Ashton doesnt look for him, he always tells him. So, after school, Ashton makes his first stop at Lukes house. He just waltzes right in, because him and Luke are kind of a thing and Liz loves him anyways, so it doesnt matter. 

"Hi Liz." Ashton presses a quick kiss to Liz's cheek before he runs up stairs, not even giving Liz enough time to answer. Hes just walking past the bathroom to get to Lukes room when he hears retching noises. He stops and frowns, knocks on the door softly. Lukes voice answers a minute later, soft and weak.

"Yeah?" 

Ashton doesnt hesitate to push the door open. Lukes laying against the wall, a ratty t-shirt and some pajama pants on, and his knees are pulled to his chest and theres a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and his eyes are closed, cheek against his knee. Ashton frowns and scurries into the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him as quietly as possible and Luke peeks an eye open, gets out a 'Hey, Princess,' before hes lurching over to the toilet. He sticks his head inside and dry heaves, and Ashton sits down behind him and rubs circles into his back, pressing kisses to his neck. 

"Aw, baby." he coos as Luke spits into the toilet. There are tears in his eyes and Ashtons heart breaks,  _again,_ and Ashton doesnt know how much more he can take because its only been one week and hes pretty sure his heart is cracked, tiny little crevices running through and ruining him and he doesnt know if hes going to survive Luke Hemmings, but hes pretty sure hed be happy if he died trying. (He knows he would be)

He pulls Luke to sit in between his legs, his back pressed against Ashtons chest. He leans his head back, purple hair in a mess on his forehead, onto Ashtons shoulder. Ashton presses his lips to Lukes forehead and frowns. 

"Aw, babe, youre burning up. You hot?" Luke whimpers and nods and Ashton tightens his hold around Lukes waist. 

"Come on. Take a cold shower, and Ill make you some soup and we can cuddle, yeah?" Luke nods, once, but he doesnt make an effort to move. Ashtons glad to hold him for a few minutes, press kisses to his face and occasionally brush his thumb over Lukes hip, stomach, press back the hairs on his forehead so he an feel Lukes temperature. Eventually he decides that yes, Luke needs to shower and yes, he needs to eat something, so he tugs them up and supports Lukes weight while he turns the shower on. He waits for it to get cold, but not too cold so that Luke wont freeze, and pulls Lukes shirt off as he waits. He sticks his hand under the spray of the water and deems it cold/warm enough. 

"Alright, babe, take a quick shower while I make you soup, okay? if youre still hot after you shower, only dress in a pair of boxers." he feels like a nurse, but thats okay, because hes spending time with Luke. 

"is this your way of getting me half naked into bed?" Luke asks cheekily, though his smirk is tired and hes swaying on the spot. 

"Of course." Ashton rolls his eyes and leans up, bracing his hands against Lukes chest as he kisses him quickly. "Dont fall, okay?" He whispers before he walks out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

..  
..

He waits on Lukes bed, a bowl of soup on the table next to him. Theres a kitten laid out on his chest, Luke named her Dr. Buttons, and shes digging her claws into his shirt as she stretches. He pets her soft belly fur and Luke walks in, dripping water everywhere and towel low on his hips. Ashton would normally  find this extremely hot and want to pound Luke into the mattress, but Luke looks sickly and soft and paler than normal so he doesnt. He just throws a pair of boxers at Luke, who takes them and pulls them on under the towel, which he then uses to semi dry his hair. He shuffles over to Ashton and crawls into bed next to him, sitting up against the headboard. He sips at his soup as Ashton clicks play on the movie, The Avengers. 

"Feel better?" Ashton asks once Lukes done. He nods, placing the halfway empty bowl onto the table before he slides down and places his head on Ashtons chest and tangles their legs together. Ashton runs his hands through Lukes hair, shakes out the watered down dye onto his shirt but he doesnt mind, because Luke is warm against him, breath faint as he stays in a place between consciousnesses and sleep. 

..  
..

Ashton wakes up to a body on his chest and white fur in his eyes. His phones buzzing in his pocket, an All Time Low song playing on soft volume to the room. He grabs it and clicks answer, pressing it to his ear. 

"Hullo?" he asks thickly.

"Ashy, where are you?" Laurens voice comes through the line, also tired. 

"Im at," he yawns, "Im at Lukes, why?" He reaches up to pet Dr. Buttons, whos claws are sinking into his hair and fur is covering his eyes, meaning he cant see Luke or the time. 

"Harry had a nightmare. He was looking for you but he couldnt find you."

"Time is it?" Ashton asks, swatting at the cat, who shifts further up so shes lying on the pillow instead of Asthons eyes. Now that his vision is clear, he can see Luke lying halfway on his chest, blinking up at him sleepily. 

"Go back to sleep." he mouths, but Luke just crawls up to lie next to him and drape an arm around his waist. Ashton vaguely recognizes Lauren telling him the time, 3 AM.

"Alright, put Harry on." Theres shuffling before a small voice sniffles his name through the line.

"Hey, bud. You had a bad dream?" Ashton asks, moving so he can rest his head next to Lukes, whos slipping back asleep, but looks determined to stay awake. 

"Ye- yeah. I dreamed, that uh, you were never coming home. And that, mummy and daddy left too, and so did Lauren. And, and then I was at the park, and I saw you and you were with Luke," Luke perks awake at his name, "And then, when I was running over to you, and Luke pushed you over the edge." Harry sounds in full on tears, sniffles and sharp breaths coming through the phone. 

"Aw, Peach, you know that'd never happen, right?" Ashton shuffles so hes sitting up, rubbing at the sleep in his eyes. Luke yawns and turns, pressing his forehead against Ashtons denim-clad thigh. Ashton card his fingers through Lukes hair as he consoles his brother. 

"Luke loves me too much to ever do something like that, yeah? And I love you too much to ever leave you, and so does mum and dad, and so does Lauren. Okay? We all love you bunches and bunches." 

"Promise?" Ashton knows that Harry takes his promises very seriously. 

"I pinky promise, okay? Now go cuddle with Lauren, and if you cant go back to sleep ask Lauren to go get some of the benadril in my bathroom, okay?" 

"Okay. I love you, Ashie."

"I love you too, Peach." Theres some ruffling, and then Laurens voice is back over the line. 

"Ash?"

"Yeah, Laur?"

"Do you love Luke?" Ashton glances down at the sleeping boy on his thigh, and feels the same surge of fondness and adoration and something. 

"I think, yeah."

"Doesnt mummy and daddy think its wrong?" Shes whispering now, as if mum and dad not approving of anything makes it _bad,_ wrong to the world, never to be spoken too loud. 

"Sometimes, parents are wrong about what they think is wrong for their children. Lukes right for me, just not for mum and dad."

"Are you gonna take care of him? And love him?" Lauren asks. 

"With everything I have." 

"Okay."

"Okay. Take care of Haz for me tonight, yeah? Tell him we'll all go out for ice cream tomorrow, even Luke if hes feeling up to it." Ashton smiles at the giggle that bubbles from his sisters lips.

"Okay. I love you, Ash." 

"Love you too, Lauren. Ill see you tomorrow." They both whisper goodbyes, and Ashton crawls back down, forcing Luke to wake up. He repositions himself so that hes sprawled across Ashton again, arm over his waist and leg over his leg and head in the crook of Ashtons neck. 

"Your siblings are lucky to have you." 

Ashton hums his agreement, and its quiet, and then,

"Im lucky to have you too, Ashton." And he presses a kiss to Ashtons neck, and pretends he doesnt feel Ashtons heart skip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is shitty omg.


	16. Chapter 14 - Beach

Luke does feel better the next day. He can breathe through his nose, and he stomachs the bit of eggs Liz makes them. So, by noon, him dressed in new clothes and Ashton dressed in Lukes. (Luke said Ashton looked good in his clothes, and that he should wear them more often, and Ashton blushed and swatted Luke on the chest and they kissed for a few minutes. It was a nice start to the day) They eventually make their way to Ashtons house to pick up his siblings, and they all go down the street to the ice cream parlor. Ashton and Harry get chocolate ice cream dipped in a cherry hard shell and Lauren gets some weird raspberry froyo and Luke gets vanilla. Ashton pays for it all and Luke coos at him and they sit outside next to the carousel. Its fun. 

"Hows school?" Ashton asks, laying his head on Lukes shoulder. 

"Ew." Harry and Lauren say at the same time. Ashton picks his head up off Lukes shoulder and stares across the street. Theres a teenager slouching over, hands shoved deep into his pocket, and Ashton recognizes the black hair and weird necklace. 

"Oi," he elbows Luke and nods his chin towards Jacob. "Is that?" 

Luke nods, but he look uninterested, but Ashton keeps staring and Jacob looks up and catches Ashtons eye and. Glares. Glares so hard Ashton actually thinks that its hurting him, and then Ashtons concentration on glaring back because hello, asshole alert, is broken by Luke dragging his ice cream down Ashtons cheek. Ashton yelps, and Luke darts in and licks the white ice cream away and Ashton sticks his tongue out at him and Luke kisses it, and Lauren aww's and Harry ew's and Ashtons squeals and Luke laughs and when Ashton looks back up, Jacob is gone so he figures it a job well done. 

..  
..

They end up going to the beach after because its only noon, and its also hot and Harry and Lauren dont want to be cooped up in the house all day. They run around on the sand, and Ashton yells at them to be careful. Luke picks him up and throws him into the ocean fully clothed. 

"Youre an asshole!" Ashton yells, struggling to stand up as the waves crash down on him and his clothes weigh him down. Lukes laughing so hard, clutching his stomach, and Ashton thinks that  _yeah,_ its  _totally_ okay that Ashtons soaking wet (not his clothes, not his problem) and coughing up salt water, and his eyes burn and he cant stand, because Lukes eyes crinkle and hes gasping, laughing so hard he cant breathe. Eventually, though, Ashton tugs on Luke and pull him into the water and they both fall, crashing to the bottom of the sea (theyre not that far out anyway) and theyre both laughing so hard they cant breathe. They trudge up out of the water, struggling and laughing every time they fall down. Eventually they do make it up, and they take their shirts and pants off, let the sun dry their skin. Its warm around them, and Ashton can hear his siblings laughing near by as they throw sand on each other. Ashton feels comfortable, a hazy calmness settling around him as Luke smiles at him, dimples and crinkles and heart stopping blue eyes. 

"This is nice." He comments. 

"Yeah?" Ashton lays his head on Lukes shoulder and Luke smiles down at him, presses a kiss to the top of his sun warmed hair. 

"Yeah." Ashton hums in response, nuzzling his head further into Lukes neck. 

"What are we?" Ashton asks eventually. He doesnt want to ruin the atmosphere, make it awkward and tense, but Luke just shrugs and doesnt ruin anything. Ashton thinks that hes  _that_ sort of person, and Ashtons glad he caught such a good one.  _  
_

"Not boyfriends." No. Never mind. Disregard what Ashton just said.  He pulls back and stares at Luke, sad and tired all of sudden, but not the good tired that he just was, sitting under the sun and cuddled up to Luke. No, this is a different tired, weighs him down.

"Not - not because I dont want to be!" Luke moves his hands, shaking his head quickly. "I just. Think we should do it proper? Yeah. Proper. Like. Dates first. And then the question. Yeah." Luke rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. 

"Does this count as our first date?" Ashton asks softly. Luke sighs in relief. 

"Yeah. I think. Yeah." 

"Well, Mr. Hemmings. Do you kiss on the first date?" Ashton smirks, and Luke smirks, and they smirk at each other before Luke moves across the sand and cups Ashtons jaw, bends his head down a bit so they can press their lips together. It slow and lazy, just like the rest of the day, and Ashton thinks its kind of perfect. They dont go very far, dont get to, because its just a few seconds before Ashton can feel sand and water splash over him, burrow itself in to his hair and slide down his nose. He jerks himself away from Luke, scrabbles a bit as he tries to re situate himself. He opens his eyes to see Luke staring at him with a horrified expression before reaching up and trying to brush the wet sand out of his hair. Ashton laughs and crawls back over to him, pressing their lips together. He reaches a hand up and ruffles it through Lukes hair before standing up, pulling Luke with him.

"Race ya to the water." he grins before setting off running, and Luke makes a garbled noise behind him before chasing after him. Luke  _does_ catch up with him (damn his long legs) and he tumbles into Ashton, sending both of them crashing into the water, and they laugh for a while before Ashton swallows a whole bunch of water and chokes. Lukes still laughing as he drags him out of the water.

"Fuck you."

"Fuck me."

..  
..

Theyre back at the beach. Its what, 10 at night? 11? Neither of them really know. All they know is that therye comfortable, curled up on a blanket in hoodies and pajama pants, listening to the crash of the waves and watching the stars. Well, Luke is. Ashton is watching Luke, head tilted up from its spot on Lukes chest. Hes just staring, soft smile on his lips. Luke is so  _beautiful_ , like everything nice in the world, with his jawline and cheekbones and pink, soft lips and warm smile and crinkles and piercings and tattoos. Ashton traces over the edge of Lukes neck tattoo, finger ghosting lightly over the skin before he drags it, over the place where the bruise from Jacob was.

"Your bruise is gone." he voices quietly. They havent talked since they got to the beach. It was okay though, because they were content to just enjoy each others company, and the air was warm and the sand cold and the waves crashing and yeah. It was okay.

Luke looks down at Ashton, eyes crinkling as he smiles and Ashtons heart melts a little. 

"I know." Luke runs his hand through Ashtons hair and his fingers scratch at the scalp and Ashton sighs, nuzzling his head into the touch and shutting his eyes. It turns quiet again before, "What are you thinking about?" And Ashton doesnt miss a beat, doesnt hesitate at all before he answers, "You." And hes not embarrassed at all, not like he normally would be when his brain to mouth filter lacks and he blurts out things in front of cute boys, because he  _knows_ Luke doesnt care,  _knows_ Luke is thinking of him too.

"What about me?" Luke hums, and Ashton can feel his chin nuzzle the top his hair when he looks down, can feel Lukes eyes looking on him. Its a nice feeling, the attention he gets from Luke, makes him blush from head to toe.

"Everything." Ashton takes a minute to sort through his thoughts, eyes still closed, and Luke waits patiently, still carding his fingers though Ashtons hair. Ashton gets a little bit sleepy at the feeling. "How we first met. I can _not_ believe that you actually said yes," he giggles, and he knows Lukes grinning without even seeing him, knows that dimple that Ashton loves so much is popping out. "And then when you first came to my house. God, Luke, I was so  _nervous,_ I was about ready to call it off but then I was like, hes hot whatever," he feels breath on his hair when Luke laughs. Its a nice feeling to know that he can make Luke laugh. "And then you came and you looked. Really good. Like, that was the first proper time I got a good look at you and. Yeah. You handled my siblings really well, as well as my parents and then you took me to your house and. I think thats when I started to like you? Like, I get crushes on people easily, and a few kind gestures, that kiss didnt hurt, and well. Im all yours basically. And then you were absent from school that one week and god. I missed you so much. And then I thought I was  _weird_ for missing you so much, because weve only talked a few times, werent really friends despite the fact you were pretending to be my boyfriend for my family." Ashton giggles a little, and Luke holds on to him tighter. "And then. Yeah. It like, progressed from there, really. We started hanging out more, and we became really good friends and I was like, well shit, I cant have a crush on my best friend. 'S a bit weird. But then you gave me those roses at my recital, I still have them by the way, wilted in my drawer, and I was a goner. And I got  _so_ unreasonably mad at you. I think I was more mad at myself? For like, messing up and then having my dad yell at me in front of you. And then I gave you a rose, and It was okay for a bit. Like. Five minutes. And then you talked about Jacob and. It hurt. Yeah. I mean, its not like I ever actually thought I had a chance with you but yeah. it still hurt. And then you were there for me that night, when my dad uh," he squeezes his eyes shut tighter, willing away the memory as Luke presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

"Its okay." Luke murmurs, fingers rubbing circles on Ashtons hip under the fabric of his shirt. 

"When he. yeah. And you just kind of like cuddled me and it was really nice. But then you were with Jacob and then you werent and you found that cat and. I just." Ashton finally looks up to Luke, finally opens his eyes and turns over onto his stomach as he looks at Luke. 

"I just. Everything about you, Luke. Like, youre so perfect, with your tattoos," Ashton traces absently over the faded rose on the inside of Lukes arm. (Ironic.) "And piercings and you. You look tough, like you could beat me up. And you could, I know you could, could probably take me down with one blow and thats the  _thing._ You wont. It never one has crossed your mind, because you dont want to. Because youre  _kind_. Youre kind, Luke, and youre beautiful. Youre so fucking beautiful, and I am so fucking scared. Because you could have anyone you want. You could have someone hooked on you because youre _good._  You could have someone addicted to you with one smile and one word, could have everyone doing anything you said at the fucking snap of your fingers and that. That scares me, because we're different. We're  _so_ different. I make flower crowns with my sister and play the drums, and you get tattoos and play the guitar. So yeah, Im scared, that youre gonna leave me for someone new, someone better, someone interesting, but I think itd be okay because Im still with you now. Im still with you, and your laugh and voice like honey and everything sweet. And your hair," Ashton runs his fingers through it. "That looks so cute when its flat down like it is now. And your tattoos and piercings, and your fucking smile that shines brighter than the sun. And your eyes, and you. And you, whos bigger than the fucking universe, larger than life. You, who spray paints on buildings because fuck it all, and you whos brave and free and fearless. So. Yeah. Everything." Luke stares at him for a minute. Two. Three. Ashton wonders if hes said the wrong thing, if Lukes gonna take off and leave because hes fucking weird. Four. And then everything comes out, in one big rush of breath. 

"Im not fearless. Im scared of a lot of things. Im scared of spiders and Im scared of the dark. Im scared of snakes and heights, and Im scared of needles and getting blood taken. Im scared of Jacob, and Im scared of my math teacher, and sometimes Im scared of my mum. Im scared of strangers, and bullies, and you. Im scared of losing you, Ashton, so like. I guess we're on the same bandwagon here." he smiles weakly, softly, and Ashtons filled with this. This  _thing_. This  _emotion_ that fills him from head to toe, makes him feel likes hes floating and drowning in it an yeah. Yeah, thats what love feels like, he thinks, because it hurts, makes his chest ache and his heart thump against his ribs, try to beat out of the cage its in and jump onto Luke, latch itselve to Lukes heart and whisper I love yous into the night, but it feels _good_. Ashton kind of want to do that, kind of wants to jump into Lukes cage, seal himself with everything Luke. He wants to do every thing with Luke, wants to kiss him and hold him and jump off buildings and face their fears because they wouldnt be _scared_ , duh, theyd have  _each other._ But he doesnt tell Luke this, doesnt tell him any of his thoughts, just holds Luke closer and steals kisses from him as the clock strikes twelve. His life is kind of perfect right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw the ice cream that harry and ashton got used to be served at this ice cream parlor called Moo's and my cousin worked there and it was the greatest fucking ice cream ive literally ever had like holy shit


	17. Chapter 15 - Baby?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so fucking pisSED I HAD A REALLY FUCKING NICE CHAPTER WRITTEN AND THEN MY LAPTOP WAS LIKE LMAO FUK U AND IT RESTARTED SO NOW I HAVE TO WRITE THE CHAPTER ALL OVER AGAIN FUQ  
> so yh lmao sorry this took so long to write psa michael clifford is so important to this world

"Luke," Ashton mumbles, pushing the boy away. They were sitting on Lukes bed on a Sunday, and Ashton was trying to homework and Luke was trying to distract him. And, not that Ashton would ever tell him, but he was kind of succeeding. Ashton sighs. "Luke, babe, Im doing homework." He says, scribbling out something on his paper. 

"What homework?" Luke breaths against his neck, pressing it the words into the junction where Ashtons shoulder meets his neck. 

"French." Ashton shuts his eyes, tries to will away the coldness of Lukes lip ring pressing against his skin, and the softness of Lukes lips.

"Speak French to me." Luke bites the skin. Ashton gasps, shivers, and quickly tries to recollect his thoughts, which have scattered and been replaced by  _Luke_ and  _lips_ and  _teeth_.

"Va te faire foutre, connard." He finally gets out, trying to perfect his French accent. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Hot." Lukes breath fans over the wet mark, turning it cold. 

"I told you to fuck off, asshole." Ashton mutters, erasing something on the paper. Hes trying to translate sentences from English into French, and he keeps writing the wrong word for child.

"Your teacher taught you that?" Luke asks, pulling away to stare incredulously at Ashton. 

"No, I taught myself." Ashton mumbled, erasing something on his paper again. Luke stays away for a few minutes, just staring at Ashton. Hes wearing a pair of sweatpants and one of Luke sweatshirts, the sleeves falling over his hands. He brings his left hand up, the one hes not writing with, to cover his mouth and bite at the fabric. Hes wearing glasses, black framing his beautiful eyes. Luke thinks he looks adorable. (He also wants to fuck Ashton in only that sweatshirt. No regrets.)

Ashton groans and slams his pencil down. He digs his palms into his eyes, rubbing at them tiredly. Luke shuffles around so hes sitting behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder. 

"Come on, beautiful." Luke mutters, kissing next to Ashtons Adams Apple. 

"Forget about it for a bit. Youve got enough done." his eyes scan the paper littered with both French and English words.

"You just want me to make out with you." Ashton scoffs, but he slides the papers and books off the bed and turns so hes straddling Luke. 

"And?" Luke asks, raising his eyebrows. Ashton rolls his eyes and presses their lips together. Luke turns his head to the side, sliding a hand up to curl it in Ashton's wavy brown hair. He grips at the hair on the back of Ashtons neck. He feels warm, soft and hazy and everything in the background is white noise, fading away to nothing but Ashton. He thinks its dangerous, how much he likes Ashton, how gone he is for the boy. Ashton has the power to destroy him in the palm of his hand, and he doesnt even know it. His thoughts are kind of ruined, though, when Ashton sucks Lukes bottom lip into his mouth. Lukes gasp turns into a moan and he tilts his head back, but then Ashton yanks back, yelping, and Luke pouts. Ashtons skin is flushed, and his breath is heavy, but his lips are bleeding. 

"Your lip ring cut me." He pouts and Luke laughs. 

"Rude." Ashton huffs, climbing off of Luke and walking into the bathroom. 

"Aw, babe. Im sorry." Luke bites his lip to hold back his giggles as Ashton wets some toilet paper, running it gently over the cut on his lip. 

"You laughed." Ashton pouts, turning to him. Luke kisses his cheek. 

"Im very sorry, Princess. I wont laugh again. Are you okay?" Luke smiles a very soft, very not punk rock smile. 

Ashton hums and leans into Lukes chest, wrapping his arms around his waist. Luke does the same, setting his chin on Ashtons head as Ashton pushes his face into the crook of Lukes neck.

"'M okay." he hums. 

"Good." Luke presses a kiss to the top of Ashtons head.

"Michael and Calum are gonna have fun with this one." Ashton shakes his head, laughing.

(Hes right. They laugh for a solid ten minutes and then continue to make fun of them for the rest of the day, giggling like theyre the funniest things ever. Theyre not.)

..  
..

Ashton is lonely. Hes not like, wallowing in a pit of loneliness and sadness and pity, but hes lonely. Hes been hanging out with Luke everyday for like, a week straight, and now Luke has to be home because he was watching his baby nephew who was like, 1, and Ashton had homework to do so they went their separate ways. But now Ashton is finished with his homework and hes just staring at his phone, willing it to light up with Lukes name and blast Lukes ringtone through the room. (Ashton alternates it through Therapy and A Love Like War, Lukes favorite and second favorite ATL song.) He groaned and fell back into his bed. It was only like, 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday and he was bored and he wanted to do something but he also knew that nothing would be fun without Luke. Its an actual problem.

He jumps as his phone rings, A Love Like War playing out loudly through his dark, silent bedroom. Ashton scrambled to get his phone, letting it ring for a few more seconds before answering it.

"Hey." he says, hoping for casual but it comes out more desperate. Hes not ashamed. 

"Hi." Luke giggles into the phone. Please kill Ashton so thats the last sound he ever hears. 

"So um. Like. Turns out I dont know how to take care of children. Like, at all." Ashton can picture Luke rubbing the back of his neck as he speaks into the phone, bringing his lip ring into his mouth before letting it pop out.

"And you want me to help you?" Ashton snorts and stands up. 

"Yes please." Luke says happily into the phone. 

"Ill be there soon, idiot." Ashton says fondly before hanging up. He pulls on a black shirt that has 'Hot Mess' on it in scribbled handwriting. He shoves his phone into the pocket of his sweat pants before jogging down the stairs and out the house. 

..  
..

Ashton walks into the house, screaming out a hello. 

"Im in here!" Luke yells and theres a tiny scream that follows it. 

"Jesus, what are you doing, torturing the child?" Ashton asks with a laugh as he sits down in the living room, in front of Luke and the small child squirming in his lap. 

"Come on, Donny. Be nice to me." Luke whines. The child, in return, reaches up and grabs Lukes lip ring. He pulls, hard, and Ashton hears a tiny click. The child rips the ring out, scratching Luke as he does so. 

"Fuck!" Luke yells. Ashton winces. Hes quick to get the ring from Donny before he puts it in his mouth. 

"Aw, babe, are you okay?" He asks. Theres a few drops of blood welling up on his lip. 

"Take this demon child." Luke grumbles, passing the kid to Ashton. Ashton sighs, taking the boy in his arms. 

"Hello, Donny." he coos in a soft voice. "Is Uncle Lukey being bad? Yes he is, hes an idiot." he scrunches his nose up, pressing it against Donny's, who has calmed down some. Hes still sniffling though, still crying. Luke fiddles until he gets the lip ting back into his mouth. 

"Hes probably tired." Ashton says as he stands up. "Ill give him a bath and you can clean up down here, okay?" he asks. He feels oddly domestic, holding a child in his arms as Luke leans down to kiss him. 

"Sure thing."

..  
..

Its ten minutes later, Donny changed into a pair of pjs and the living room clean, that they're finally getting him to settle in. Luke looks tired as hell, dragging his feet along the floorboards. He stifles a yawn. 

"Now how to we get him to sleep, Ash. " Luke asks, laying his head on Ashtons shoulder and looking sleepily at the kid cradled in Ashtons arms. 

"Aaash." Donny speaks slowly. Ashton giggles, booping Donny on the nose.

"Das me." Ashton speaks softly, playing with Donny's fingers. Donny giggles.

"I usually sing to Harry after he has a nightmare." he suggests, looking up at Luke. 

"Then sing." Luke whispers. Ashton hums, smiling at Luke before turning to stare down at the child staring up at him in awe. 

"Too alarming now to talk about," Ashton begins, slowing down the normally fast tempo of the song. Luke has heard him sing before, has seen the video of the talent show, but its. Its different. Its different, cause hes here. Hes here, now, and Ashton is holding a baby and singing to him and its a little overwhelming. 

"There goes my hero, watch him as he goes." Ashton looks up at Luke as he sings the next line, smiling shyly and. Fuck. Lukes totally gone for this stupid boy with his stupid dimples and stupid face and stupid smile that shines like the stars and stupid eyes that glow every time they catch Luke in his line of vision and his stupid abs and - okay. You get the point. Ashton is stupid. Luke thinks hes a tiny,  _tiny_ , bit in love. 

..  
..

After Ashton finally gets the baby to bed, (Luke had stood cooing at his not a boyfriend boyfriend holding his nephew) and Luke had finally taken a shower, they curled up in Lukes bed. 

"Have fun?" Ashton asks, looking up at Luke from where hes situated on Lukes chest. 

"Yeah. When you came." Luke smiles sleepily, breaking off in a yawn. Ashton smiles. 

"Sleep time?" he asks. 

"Sleep time." Luke confirms. 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING I LOVE ALL OF YOU OKAY STAY SAFE WHAT A NICE SMILE I LOVE YOUR HAIR TODAY CUTE BUTT OKAY ILY

Luke doesnt mean to do it. He doesnt, he doesnt, he  _doesnt_. But fuck, he feels so god damn _pathetic_ , after hes made the first cut. So he keeps going. It starts with one, but then its suddenly five. And then its ten. And then he likes the way the red of his blood, the dark crimson, mixes into the black ink of his tattoos. He loves it. He loves the feeling. He loves the sharp bite of metal against his skin. And, like, he hasnt done it for almost a year. He hasnt. But then hes cleaning his room out, and the day had been shit as fuck. His anxiety was at an all time high, hed come  _this_ close to getting fired from work. He had failed his maths test, been properly chastised, by his teacher who called him out in the entire class and literally made him want to cry, and his mother, and then he saw Jacob making out with some other dude. Like. He doesnt like Jacob anymore. He has no feelings towards him at all. But it still brings back the fact he was cheated on, that he wasnt  _good_ enough for someone, which furthers the fact that hes not good enough for Ashton, who was out of school today. So yeah. Its been pretty shit. 

He keeps the cuts shallow, just enough to draw blood but not enough to kill him. And he knows that when they heal, the pale scars will completely fuck up his tattoos, the things hes used to cover his previous cuts. So now hes pathetic  _and_ a fuck up. And hes crying, and the salt burns like hell and he literally fucking hates himself hes so god damn worthless what the  _fuck_ why wasnt he put up for adoption, why does Ashton like him, why does he have  _friends_ , what the fuck what the fuck what the fu-

"I wish that I could be like the cool kids, 'cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in. I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids." Ashtons ringtone. Ashton is  _calling_ him, and Luke is slicing his skin open with thoughts of hate. Could his life be any worse? He stumbles to answer it, though, his razor blade clattering to the floor as he answers with the hand not coated in his thick, quickly cooling blood. 

"H- hello?" Luke answers shakily, voice wet with tears, as he wedges his phone in between his shoulder and ear. He grabs wads of toilet paper, weakly dabs at the blood that he knows isnt going away.

"Im outside! Come open the door for me." Ashton orders, and Luke sucks in a deep breath. 

"Ill be out in a minute." he lets the breath leave in a shaky mess before he hangs up. He throws the toilet paper in the toilet before standing up and exiting the bathroom. He grabs the first sweatshirt that he sees, one thats laying by his door, and he bends down and scoops it up. He tugs it on, closes his eyes as it passes over them.

Its only when hes downstairs, only when he catches his reflection in the mirror that he realizes that his sweatshirt is  _white_ , and the left sleeve is  _red_ , and fuck all because he cant run upstairs and change because Ashton has seen him through the window, is waving spastically to get Lukes attention.  Luke smiles back weakly and opens the door, hiding his left arm behind his back to hide it. What he  _didnt_ expect, though he should have, is Ashton pulling him into a big bear hug, flinging his arms behind Lukes back. And his hand brushes the sleeve of his sweatshirt and it comes away wet with blood. Welp.  _Fuck_. And he knows Ashton knows what happened. He knows, because Ashton gives him this  _look_  and Luke. Luke. Luke thinks these  _things_ , these things he knows that arent true, these things he  _should_ know arent true but he thinks them  _anyways_. 

_He thinks less of me._

_Im pathetic._

_Worthless._

_Ugly._

_Who can love someone with scars on their skin?_

_He wont talk to me._

_He'll tell._

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, I cant lose him, I cant, I cant, IcantIcantIcantIcant fuck Icant._

And hes walking away when he starts  _really_ panicking, because this is  _Ashton_ and he  _loves_ Ashton, he does, and Ashton makes everything better, Ashton is Lukes sun and his moon and his stars and his universe, and when did he stop breathing? Sometime around when he thought he was worthless. Ashton f _ucking_  hates him now, probably cant stand the sight of him, and when he walks into his bedroom hes full on crying. He cant  _breathe,_ cant stop crying and being worthless and  _thinking_ and yeah, hes having a panic attack. He can tell when he feels like hes drowning, when hes not breathing enough and his chest  _burns_ , is on fire, when the room starts to spin and he cant stop crying no matter what. And he can tell when Ashton walks in, and Luke honest to god fucking  _whimpers_ , scrambles as far away from Ashton as possible because Ashton  _shouldnt. see him. like. this._ He looks pathetic, sobbing in the corner of his bedroom, a fucking eighteen year old boy. Eighteen year old boys dont  _cry._

"Aw, Lukey." Ashton murmurs. He shuffles over to Luke, and sits down in front of him. Luke stares at him with wide, scared eyes, and he looks like a cornered animal. Which. He kind of is. 

Ashton hesitantly reaches a hand out and places it on Lukes leg, and when Luke doesnt flinch away Ashton takes it as permission to pull the younger boy into his lap. He presses a kiss to Lukes forehead, rubs his hands over every inch of the boys body.

"Its okay, Luke. Im here. Ive got you. Come on, breathe." Ashton breathes lowly, takes deep inhales and slow exhales and Luke tries to copy. 

"There you go. Its fine, baby." Ashton continues to press kisses all over Lukes face, tries to calm down as quick as possible. He wipes tears away with his lips and dusts fingers over collarbones, hips and stomachs and thighs and hearts. 

"Good, come on. Just breathe. Youre okay. 'M not gonna hurt you." He murmurs into Lukes skin, and Luke is down to just a whimpering, shaking messing by now. 

"You okay, Lukey?" Ashton asks hesitantly. Luke closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths and Ashton watches patiently. Luke nods. 

"Atta boy. Lets clean you up." He says softly, and then he stands, carrying Luke easily in his arms over to the bedroom. Luke lets him, lets Ashton take his sweatshirt off, lets him bite back a gasp at the cuts and blood covering Lukes arm. Its not  _bad_ , really, because theres only like, 15 cuts, and Luke hasnt lost that much blood. Most of it is from when he had first done it, dried and sticking to his pale skin. He lets Ashton gently wipe away all the blood, scrub at some parts and look up to make sure he doesnt hurt Luke, whos sat on the toilet. Ashton is sat pretzel style on the floor in front of him, Lukes long arm in his hand. He cleans the cuts with some peroxide and then. And then. And then he surprises Luke, who has to fight back tears as Ashton leans forward and kisses all the fresh cuts. The closer he gets, though, he must notice the faded, barely noticeable white scars that are hidden under Lukes tattoos, because he keeps kissing up, to the crook of Lukes elbow, where the scars end. Luke physically cant stop from crying, the tears fighting their way from the back of is throat. 

"Beautiful boy." Ashton murmurs, head still bent, lips still pressed to Luke's scars.

"Fuck." Luke gasps. He pulls Ashton up by the back of his shirt and kisses him, hard, pulling him closercloser _closer_.

"Fuck, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry." Luke whispers against Ashton, tries to mold himself into the boy. Ashton eventually pulls back because he has lungs, but hes quick to pull Luke into a hug, let Luke bury his face in Ashtons neck. 

"Youre the best thing thats ever happened to me Ashton, I shouldnt have done that, fuck Im sorry, Im  _sorry_." Lukes voice is grated with emotion, as though its been dragged across pavement. "Im sorry, please dont think less of me.  _Please_ , Ashton, I dont know what Id do without you,  _please_." 

Ashton coos into his ear, rubbing Lukes back.

"Never, babe. Please dont apologize to me, okay? Im sorry I wasnt there for you, you should have called me. Im so sorry, Luke. Please, please dont do it again. Youre beautiful, baby. Youre so,  _so_ , beautiful, I could never think less of you. Please dont think less of  _yourself_. Youre so gorgeous, okay, I wish you wouldnt feel like that." Ashton mumbles into Lukes ear, kissing down his neck. Luke whimpers and nods and hes never been so  _blessed_ , with Ashton. Hes so glad hes been blessed with Ashton. 

"Lets get out of here." Ashton says and when he pulls back there are tears in his eyes but a smile on his face.

So blessed.

..  
..

They drive for at least an hour. Its night time, and its cold, and Ashton bought them hot chocolate. He plays all the All Time Low albums, which he had illegally downloaded onto his phone because whatever. They wind up at some park next to this like, lake thing, and they lay in the bed of Ashtons truck, with blankets that he keeps in his car for his little siblings when he drives them out to football practice at six in the morning. Theres All Time Low playing in the background, and Luke is wearing Ashton's sweatshirt and hes curled into Ashtons side, Ashtons arm thrown over his waist and yeah. He feels better.

"I guess you want to know the whole story." Ashton hasnt asked but he kind of wants to, so he hums out an answer.

"Right, okay." Luke sighs and turns so hes lying on his back, instead of curled up in Ashtons side. 

"So, when I was like, I dont 13? Sometime around then, I dont know. When I was 13 was the first day I got called fat. Honestly, I didnt care. It was one douchebag kid that picked on everyone, even the pretty ones. So. I was like, whatever. But then it kept happening, and it was so many people. Fat, ugly, worthless, stupid." Ashton sits up now, crosses his legs beside Luke and takes his hand. 

"And I uh. I didnt do anything. About it. I didnt know that i  _could_. I would just take it. I didnt uh, I didnt start cutting," Luke chokes on the words. "Until last year. When they uh, when they started calling me a fag. And I had this friend, he moved to America a few months ago, we werent even close, and I saw his cuts. I had never thought about cutting until then, but god, it was terrible. I kept  _doing it_. I didnt meant to, I didnt want to, but I did it once and fuck. Fuck, Ash, I dont know why. I dont, I dont, I swear I dont," He feels like hes still trying to apologize for what Ashton had seen earlier. Ashton accommodates by shushing him, bringing Lukes hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to Lukes wrist. 

"Its okay. You dont have to continue." He says quietly. 

"No, Im fine. I can do it." Luke clears his throat and shuffles so hes sitting up, leaning half his weight into Ashton, who wraps and arm around his waist and holds him tight. 

"So then, then I. Yeah. It was so bad. So, fucking bad. It got to the point where I tried to off myself." Luke fights back tears, shutting his eyes tightly and clenching his jaw. He shakes his head. "I was gonna do it. I was. But then. But then Mikey found me with a bottle of pills in one hand and a bottle of Vodka in the other. And it was so  _bad_ , because Mike started crying and I was already crying and yeah. It was a mess. But he calmed down enough to talk me out of it."

"Ill have to thank him tomorrow." Ashton says quietly but Luke catches it and when he looks over, Ashton's fighting back tears. Lukes heart breaks a tiny bit more. 

"And then my mum noticed. She helped me quit. It wouldve been a year next month." Luke shakes his head before laying it on Ashtons shoulder. Ashton has no problem laying his head on top of Lukes. 

"And god, I was so ashamed. I cant believe I actually did that to myself. I hated them, I hated the sight of them. So mum let me get tattoos to cover them up, because I couldnt stand them." Ashton kisses his hair, mumbling 'sorrys' into the dyed strands.

"'S not your fault. But I guess, yeah. I guess you know now."

"Promise me you wont do it again. Fuck, Luke, I dont know what Id do without you, I cant lose you, we're not even dating,  _fuck_." Ashton squeezes out, all in one breath, and Luke pulls their heads away so he can kiss him. 

"Dont worry babe," Luke mumbles against Ashtons lips. "Im not going anywhere. Promise."

Its one he doesnt intend to break this time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. calum nudes??  
> 2\. ashton tongue piercing??? (maybe???)  
> 3\. i just saw a picture of luke shirtless (HIPSHIPSHIPSHIPS)  
> 4\. legal liam  
> dis tew much


	19. Chapter 16 - Party

After the 'incident' Ashton has decided that Luke needs a payback of some sorts. Lukes not one for revenge, but Ashton. Well. Hes a different story. 

"Okay but. What?" Aston asks after he finally convinced Luke to go through with Revenge on Motherfucking Jacob. 

"Um. Okay," Luke turns onto his stomach and Ashton follows suit. Theyre in Ashtons room, and his parents are downstairs, arguing with each other. Ashtons blasting music to drown them out, but him and Luke are close enough that they can hear each other. Harry and Lauren are in there too, but theyve got head phones in because they dont like Ashton and Luke's music. They flinch simultaneously at the sound of something shattering, and Ashton cowers this much more into Lukes side, their hips pressing against each other. 

"Ive got it!" Luke exclaims, sitting up quickly. Ashton starts and sits up too, moving in closer. 

"Okay so like, Halloween is in a week, right?" Ashton peers over Lukes shoulder to glance at his calender. Its a Friday which means that Halloween is, indeed, in a week. 

"Two days before Halloween, Michael throws this massive part at Calums house. Everyone at our school comes, regardless of social rank. The jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, punk, everyone. Everyone comes and gets drunk as hell. Even people from different schools come, its hu-"

"I get it, Mr. Popular. Lots of people. Where are you going with this?" Ashton cuts him off. Luke glares at him. Ashton motions him along. 

"Jacob will be there. We can call him out in front of the whole school, no one dates a cheater." Luke finishes excitedly. Ashton nods before shaking his head. 

"He wont come to a party thats host is Michael, at Calums house, when you're gonna be there. Hes too smart." He sighs and Luke pouts. Shit. 

"Well, we can always have like, a football player ask him or something."

"Didnt Jac just come out as gay like, a week ago? The only gay footie payer we have?" Ashton suggests. 

"Yeah, that might work. Hes pretty nice, Ive bumped into him a few times." Luke hums. 

"Great! Plan made!" Ashton crawls off the bed and walks over to the door, pressing his ear to it. 

"I think we can turn the music off now." He shouts and Luke nods, turning down the radio. Almost instantly Ashtons door swings open, which causes the hazel eyed boy to scramble away. 

"Ashton! Go clean up down stairs!" His dad barks and Ashton flinches, but he does as told and scurries down stairs. 

He comes back up with bloody hands and tearful eyes. Luke holds him till he feels better.

..  
..

Sure enough, when Ashton gets back to school on Monday, there are fliers posted everywhere around the school, and every boy and girl is talking about it. 

"Luke? What's on your head?" Ashton asks as he walks up behind Luke. 

"What?" Luke finishes getting his book from his locker before he shuts it and turns to face Ashton. There's a crown of tiny blue forget me nots adorned on the top of his purple hair. 

"Is that a flower crown?" Ashton gently plucks the crown off of Lukes head and turns it in his hands, examining it. 

"Know what forget me nots stand for?" Ashton asks. He stands on his toes and places the crown back on Lukes head, adjusting it till it sits perfectly atop his quiff. Luke shakes his head, looking particularly dazed as Ashton leans in to kiss him. 

"True love." Ashton whispers, lips brushing Lukes, and then he turns because the bell rings so like, good timing. He looks behind him to see Luke still staring at him, turning a delicious shade of red. 

(After lunch, Luke places the crown on Ashtons head and Ashton keeps it there all the day.)

..  
..

"What about music?" Ashton suggests, lazily tracing over one of Lukes tattoos. "You like music, right? And I know you can sing, and I know you can play guitar. So why not sing a song?" Its Monday night and theyre in some park close to Ashtons house, laying on the wet ground. Its uncomfortable, its dirty, but hes also next to Luke. That makes up for it. 

"Hm." Luke hums, eyes shut. Theres a phone in between them, quietly playing Ed Sheeran. "Not bad, babe." He doesnt see the way Ashton blushes. 

"Youre really pretty." The older one blurts, and Luke turns his head to look at him. 

"I know." he smiles softly, and Ashton thinks it should be condescending and narcissistic, but the way he says it lets him know theres something  _more_ , something behind the words that Ashton hasnt figured out yet but he wants to.  _  
_

"C'mere." Ashton motions him forward and Luke obliges. They kiss, slow and languidly, and theres swing sets creaking and music playing but Ashton couldnt care less. A fire could start around them, engulf them in flames, but he wouldnt feel it. Luke already sets him on fire, a flame of emotions that stir and lick at his stomach, make it twist and turn and knot. It hurts, a little, but Ashton doesnt mind. its a good hurt. Its _love_.

"Im really happy your parents are assholes." Ashton raises his eyebrows, looking at Luke like 'what the fuck, man?'

"I mean," Luke stutters, "That sounds bad. I mean like, if they werent, then maybe we never would have gotten together. Like this. So yeah." 

Ashton grins and kisses him again. It's nice. They're nice. Still not official. But nice. 'I love you' presses against his lips the entire night, but it's never spoken. Ashton thinks Luke knows anyway. 

..  
..

Michael agrees immediately. All it needs is the name 'Jacob' and 'revenge' and he was jumping for it, a million yes's flowing from his mouth. 

So. Now they have to actually  _start_ the plan. Which. Is easier said than done. Luke has to be the one to ask Jac to ask Jacob out, because hes got a bad ass reputation around the school, and hes the one thats supposed to be getting revenge. 

Nows kind of his time. Its the day before the party, and the entire football team is bumbling down the halls, dressed in uniform. (Theres a game tonight.)

"Jac?" Luke calls out timidly, standing next to his locker. No one pays him any attention. 

"Jac!" he calls again, louder. Ashton is standing by his side, arm wrapped around his waist protectively. Some people turn to face him, and Jac is one of them. With his shaggy brown hair and blue eyes, and tan skin and prominent collar bones, hes definitely a looker. The player, number 90, looks over to him.

"Yeah?" he asks, brushing a hand across the arm of the cheerleader he was talking to, letting her know he'll be back in a minute. He jogs over to Luke and Ashton. 

"Hi." Luke greets, standing up straighter. 

"Whats up?" Jac asks. 

"So you know of Michaels party, right? And youre going, right?" Luke asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. Ashton traces circles into Lukes hip with his fingers. Its comforting, relaxes him a bit. Jac nods. 

"Right, okay, so Jacob, you know Jacob Lith, well hes kind of a cheating douche. But no one really knows. But like, everyone is going to be at the party.  _Everyone_.  And we had this plan to get back at Jacob, let everyone know what hes done.  _But_ he wont come to a party thats hosted by his ex-boyfriends best friend, especially when he knows that  _Im_ gonna be there. So." _  
_

"You want me to ask him to come." Jac concludes. Luke nods, slightly sheepish.

"Why not?" Jac shrugs. "I'll do it, yeah. Where is he?" 

"Locker 235, building eight." Luke answers. Jac nods. 

"Alright, man. See you at Michaels party." Jac gives a lazy salute, two fingers that brush his forehead before dropping to his side, before he walks back to the cheerleaders who was leaning against the opposite lockers, despite the fact that the rest of the cheerleaders and football players have left.

..  
..

Lukes not nervous. Not really. Singing is what he  _does_ , its what his live has revolved around since he turned 12. So, singing in front of a giant crowd with his three best friends isnt as nerve wracking as he thought it would be. 

Everyones in Calums living room, and everyone is pleasantly buzzed, and Ashton is twiddling with his drumsticks and Michael and Calum are tuning their guitars and basses side by side, and Luke is just looking. His guitar is tuned, the stage is set up, the last song before he goes on is coming to an end, and its almost midnight. Everything is set up, everything is well, and everyone is waiting. The last song ends. 

"Alright everyone!" Michael jumps in front of the microphone and screams into it. Hes a little drunk. 

"So we dedicate this song to a fucking asshole. Jac!" Luke says into his own microphone, adjusting the stand to his height. Jac drags Jacob forward, arm clamped tightly around his waist. 

"Fuck you Jacob, you cheating fucking asshole. Thats right, my friends, Jacob dated Luke _and_ another girl. So, if youre happy with sharing, Jacobs the man for you. But, right now, we dedicate this song to him." Ashton smirks and then slaps his drumsticks together, counting down. Luke plays on his guitar, and Calum joins in and then Michael. 

"Love love love love love love." Michael and Calum sing. The look on Jacobs face is fucking priceless, especially when they get to the chorus. 

"All I wanted was your love love love love love love," Luke smirks at the way Jacob struggles and squirms in Jac's grip, but cant get out. 

"Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you. Brought you around and you just brought me down. Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you." Luke Jumps over to play in front of Ashton, lets Michael and Calum finish up the chorus. Ashton laughs and giggles and smiles so brightly that its like the sun has been bottled up into his body. Luke leans over to sing the next verse into Ashtons microphone. 

"Thought that everything was perfect, isn't that how it's supposed to be? Thought you thought that I was worth it, now I think a little differently."

Ashton joins him. 

"All I wanted was your love love love love love love." They sing together, and it  _blends_ , it  _works_ , makes the crowd cheer louder and Jacob get angrier and this was a really fucking good plan. They get through the second chorus, Luke singing into Ashton microphone the entire time, but then Jac drags Jacob up onto the makeshift stage so Luke has to walk back to the front to sing in his face. 

"Now that it's over you can't hurt me, now that it's over you can't bring me down." Luke sings, swinging his guitar over so it rests on his back. He walks forwards, pressing close to Jacob. 

"All I wanted was your love love love love love love." He leans in like hes going for a kiss, a soft smirk playing on his lips as he glances down at Jacobs lips, but then he jumps back as the two other boys start on the chorus. 

And they finish, and Lukes panting and sweating and Ashtons last bang on his drum is so violent he actually breaks his drumstick and the teenagers are screaming and Jacob is fuming.

"I just want to say," Ashtons gets up, wiggling his microphone out of his stand so he can walk to the front of the 'stage.' "That I totally disagree with this song, because I actually really hate you, Jaco-" he gets cut off by Luke surging forward and pressing their lips together. The force of it makes Ashton stumble back, crash into the drum set. Luke grabs his waist to keep him steady and Ashton slinks a hand over his chest. Its dirty, with teeth clinking and alcohol on their breath and Luke tastes a little like cigarettes. Theres drunken teenagers screaming and cheering in the background and theyre too hot to be this close together but it  _works,_ its  _nice_ and when Luke pulls back, breathing harder than he was before, Ashton is dazed and looking at him with this stupid look and his pupils are blown wide and hes biting his lip and his hair is sticking to his forehead with sweat and Luke thinks he looks  _beautiful_.

"Ashton," he begins quietly, pulling his microphone to his lips so his voice booms through the speakers. Ashton nods at him, humming out questioningly. "D'ya wanna be my boyfriend?" 

Ashton grins, so wide its painful, and all he can do is nod and then theyre kissing again and they only pull away when they hear a door slam and life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think the next chapter might be my last and then an epilogue after and then i can say goodbye to this story :(


	20. Chapter 17- Perfect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukes perfect. To Ashton, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THATS FUCKING RIGHT BITCHES IM BACK DAMN BOW TO YOUR QUEEN. IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE SO LONG I KNOW IM TRASH IM SORRY BUT IM BACK AND IM HERE TO STAY. WELL. FOR AS LONG AS I CAN. MY LAPTOP AND MY PHONE ARE BROKEN, IM USING MY MOMS COMPUTER RN. ANYWAY, YALL PROBABLY DONT CARE. LET THE STORY COMMENCE!

This is how Ashtons life has gone: born into richness, but into a broken home, of parents who dont care and maids that do everything for him. Moving every other year, finally settling down in one of the greatest towns, at least to Ashton. Born into a family that pretended to be perfect, but they werent. Nothing in Ashtons life was perfect. Until he met  _Luke._  Luke, with crazy hair and tattoos that dont make sense but hide a past. Luke, with his soft voice and even softer skin. With eyes as blue as the ocean and a personality as bright as the sun. With pale skin and long fingers and  _talent_ , so full of talent, so full of life, of  _everything_  that made Ashton happy. Luke made Ashton happy. 

Ashton is staring at sleeping happiness right now. With hair flat against his forehead and covers pooling over his smooth pale chest and soft, soft breaths and mouth slightly open and eyes shut and Ashton is in love.

Ashton has always loved Luke, he thinks, since the moment he meant him, since the moment he heard the boy laugh and saw him smile and since they kissed. But now hes  _in_  love and thats- thats  _different_ , its exciting and new and  _scary_ and  _beautiful,_ all at the same time. Ashton feels like his heart is invested in Luke, invested in everything he is and stands for, every time he breaths and talks and laughs and smiles and hurts, invested in his sighs and smiles, and hes in love and insane and he doesnt  _care._ Its three in the morning and hes got the boy of his dreams sleeping on his chest and hes insane and hes in love.

..  
..

Luke wakes up to the smell of pancakes and bacon and a note on the counter. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and sits himself up against Ashton's headboard. 

' _Morning cutie,'_   the note reads, ' _i figured we could skip school today, its friday so who really cares. Besides, Halloween is tonight, we have to go get our costumes. Anyway, off topic. I went downstairs to make you breakfast. Come down when youre ready._ _love, Ashton.'_ Luke smiles and shakes his head because Ashton signed his name with a heart instead of an o. He crawls out of bed and walks downstairs. He leans against the wall and watches his beautiful boyfriend (he can call him that now. He loves it.) make pancakes and hes dancing around the kitchen and hes got flour on his cheek and Luke is in love. The realizations startles him and he stands up straight and his heart skips a beat and hes in love. Its that simple. Hes in love with Ashtona and thats okay because Ashton is his best friend, the love of his life and honestly Luke wouldnt have it any other way. So he walks up to Ashton while hes mixing the pancake mix and wraps his arms around him and kisses the back of his neck and whispers 'I love you' and Ashton drops the whisk.

"What?" he asks, breathless, eyes closed tight and hands shaking. Luke spins him around. 

"I love you, Ashton. Its more than love, actually. Im in love with you. Im in love with everything you do, every word you say and every breath you take and you know Ive always been bad at words and I cant speak well but I love you and I need you to feel the same." Luke says, eyes shining with doubt. Ashton grabs his face and kisses him and pushes him against the counter and runs his hands through his hair and kisses him with everything he has. 

"I love you too, Luke." he whispers, still kissing the boy. "I love you with every fiber of my being and every second of my life and more than anything and anyone and Im in love with you."

They kiss and they kiss and they kiss and the pancakes burn and they kiss through the smoke. 

...  
big ass time skip soz  
...

Graduation day. Big day. Really big day. Ashtons palms are sweating and his head is pounding and his stomach is twisting. 

"Babe," Luke comes up to Ashton and grabs his hand. Theyre in line, waiting to walk, watching Micheal and Calum scream and cheer for each other. "Its just graduation. Dont be so nervous. You already passed, you know you did. Its okay." he promises, kissing the side of Ashtons head. 

"Yeah," Ashton hummed, shutting his eyes. "Its okay."

Luke looks up as his name is called. "All okay, baby." Luke kisses Ashton and then walks the stage and Ashtons voice is constricted, throat tight, too tight to cheer for his beloved boyfriend. Hes next, and hes shaking and he cant breathe  _he cant breathe_  but he does anyway, takes in a big, shaky breath of cold air that kind of burns but thats okay, lets him know hes still alive.

"Ashton Irwin," is boomed out across the field they're in and Ashton jerks and starts walking up the stairs. He looks at Michael and Calum, on the other side of the stage, and nods. He leans over and whispers something in the principals ear and the principal hands him the microphone, a giant smile playing across his wrinkled face. Michael and Calum drag a confused and still breathtakingly beautiful Luke onto stage. Ashton walks up to him and Michael and Calum walk back. 

"Luke, " Ashton starts, getting down on one knee. He sees Lukes terrified face and he  _laughs_ \- its shaky and broken and nervous but its still a laugh. 

"Dont worry, Lukey, Im not asking you to marry me. Im just promising that one day I will, that one day we can get the hell out of here and have a life of our own, a good one. I know its taken us a while to get here, but I love you, Lucas Hemmings, and I promise you, I will marry you one day. And I never break my promises." he pops open the velvet box in his hand to reveal a simple black band. Luke laughs, choking on his tears, and drags Ashton up to kiss him.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course, yes." There are a few tears and Luke is laughing as Ashton slips the band on his finger but the crowd is screaming and Ashton can see his mom and dad stomping out and Luke is kissing him and yeah, life is perfect.  _Luke_  is perfect. Luke  _made_ his life perfect. And for that, he is forever grateful. 

Making Luke his payback wasnt such a bad idea. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Last chapter. I hope you guys loved this story as much as i did. Its the first thing im actually really proud of. Im so glad i could share it with you guys. I lvoe you guys so much and im so glad you went on this crazy journey with me. I hope you enjoyed the ride. if you did, gimme ideas for another fic. (malum and lashton only pls and thnx) maybe we can have a better journey. I hope to see you guys again. Thank you, and i love you all.


	21. rewriting??

okay so. ive been rereading this story a few times and i do love it, and im not deleting it, but I will be rewriting it in a completely different story? like I'm leaving this version up so i can come back to it for nostalgia and all that but im also going to be creating a whole new version of this story, more drawn out with more chapters and a better story line and maybe a bit more of Michael and calums story line and hoping it'll make more sense than this one, will explain things more and give everyone some new material. my life has settled down phenonminally (is that how you spell it idk) since i ended this story, and ive grown back to writing now that I'm less stressed but need another way to let go of my feelings , ya get it? so I don't know how many people still have this bookmarked, but for all my old fans out there, get ready for baby you can be my payback, reinvented. I'll start working on the new chapter and hopefully have it up by tomorrow. some of the chapters will remain the same, with just slightly different details, and some will change drastically. chapters will be added, new plots may be invented, some chapters may stay exactly the same (I'm thinking of keeping Luke an ashtons prologues the same without any changes cause I like them) but yeah.... I hope this makes you guys happy? I just really wanted to make this story better and more drawn out, it's my first really good multichaptered fic, and I wanted to expand it and have it make more sense. so yeah. love you guys, so much, thanks for being there with me through all of this. new content coming soon, promise. xoxo.


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